I am trying something new for the next few posts. I’ll write a little story (an exercise in creativity) and ask a few questions that might help loosen up some old stuck beliefs (hopefully). I hope you enjoy the stories and uncover stuff that helps you move forward!
He walked with a skip in his steps, lighter on his feet than he had ever felt. He walked into the local bar and sat on a stool sipping on his beer. The world around him didn’t exist. He had just left the hospital after signing the papers that relieved the hospital from all responsibility regarding the death of his father. He was actually dead. Alex couldn’t believe that the old man was finally gone. Even though, he was bent over and skinny with age and disease, he was still a tough and scary person, the way he remembered him growing up. Alex’s childhood was spent trying to please his father and hoping to not be criticized or beaten up because of something he had done or not done. His childhood had driven him to become a super achiever, a great student, and later on a successful doctor. His father was a bigot and prejudiced against people of other cultures, religions or color. Alex married a young woman from the town nearby, someone his father approved of. He loved her despite his inability to express his love or be affectionate. They ended up having 3 kids. He liked being a father and a husband. He wanted to be different from his father, yet at times he found himself cold and unable to feel any emotions. He was logical and cold towards his family.
Sometime in their marriage he met someone else, someone he fell in love with. She was not from the same town, country, religion, or race. She stirred emotions in him he did not recognize. She was impetuous, different, and made heart based decisions. Even if he had left his wife for her, it would have been difficult unless he disowned his family and his father. Alex chose to stay with his wife and not pursue this other woman. He felt dead inside, all of his decisions were based on not rocking the boat, not acting like his father, not hurting anyone. Alex had accepted his role as the peacemaker at all cost. And what was the cost?
He forgot what it was that he wanted for himself. His decisions were not based on self-fulfillment. He was always in control of his emotions. He never yelled or showed hostility, but he never cried or showed love either. Alex controlled everything. He realized he was gripping the beer glass tightly. He eased up, leaned back and smiled. It was time to live a different life. He was done living by his father’s rules, he was done living by any rules. He was free now, free to find out what it was that he truly wanted. What did his heart desire? It was safe to feel again.
Questions to ponder:
1) What are the rules you are living by? Are they yours?
2) Where do you feel locked up or unsafe?
3) What would it feel like if you broke some of the rules you live by?