Sunday, October 28, 2012


She claimed she was tired of waiting. It seemed like she was always waiting and time was running out. Some of the waiting was just part of the course.  You have to wait to finish with school to graduate, you have to wait for your kids to get older before you can leave them alone at home, you have to wait to hear from the company or college if you have been accepted or not, etc. Knowing all this, she was still frustrated and sad by the waiting.

I was sure it wasn’t the waiting she was frustrated with. After further conversations, she revealed her reluctance to speak up. She tends to hold back what she really wants to say for fear of rocking the relationship, losing the friendship, causing trouble, opening a can of worms, it not being the right time, etc. There are lots of reasons why she holds back, most of them seemingly, external to her. The holding back morphs into waiting. She is waiting for the right opportunity to speak up and it never seems to come.

She is left unclear and unsure even to herself. Years of holding back make her appear fuzzy. She feels fuzzy. Yet, the person I have come to know is not fuzzy at all. She can tell me what she really thinks or feels, but she cannot utter her truth to those closest to her.

Interestingly, she seems to attract blunt people who have no trouble speaking up at all. They are always telling her what to do or not to do. It is as if they are trying to make her be clearer by guiding her, molding her, and trying to fix her. These types of interactions further support her tendency to hold back. There is no room for sharing her truth with people who are busy fixing, cleaning and straightening her out. So, she waits.

If you are stuck in a cycle of holding back, not expressing yourself, fearful of what you say might do to the most important relationships in your life, you may want to work with a transition coach. Transition coaching is about helping you deal with changes outside by changing your inside. No matter, how old you are, you don’t have to get stuck in beliefs and habits that don’t serve you anymore. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute transition coaching conversation to determine if I can help you change what is not working anymore.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Top 10 Ways to Identify Disempowered Humans

There is nothing more boring than speaking to a disempowered human. We all have fallen prey to feeling disempowered from time to time. It isn’t a pretty sight.  Disempowered people are distracted, drained, and/or anxious. Disempowerment is not genetic, but it tends to run in families. After years of listening to the same tapes all our lives, we believe the story they tell us. And then when we are facing a challenging transition, it sounds like the voices get really loud.

One of the symptoms of disempowerment is feeling stuck, or not having the basic energy to do what could get you out of the place you are stuck in.  Professional transition coaching works through reminding the client that they are not disempowered. When the client realizes that, the energetic shift  is miraculous to witness.

If you are wondering about yourself and whether or not you are identifying with feelings of disempowerment, here is a list that might help.

Disempowered people…

1) Take themselves and their problems seriously
2) Make it a badge of honor to carry everyone else’s burdens
3) Identify with the burdens they carry
4) Live off of drama, real or imaginary
5) Blame
6) Judge
7) Have a long “have to do” list
8) Believe all the negative voices in their heads
9) Feel responsible for everyone in their family
10) Analyze every situation to death

If any of these 10 resonate with you, you may want to work with a transition coach. Transition coaching helps you identify when you become disempowered and how to get out. To determine if you’d like to work with me, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute transition coaching conversation.