Monday, September 19, 2011

Sans Definition

I was walking in the streets of Florence, Italy.  It was beautiful, I was extremely content and there was a white haze surrounding me ... 

The feelings from that dream were so amazingly pleasant, I can’t describe them at all.  In fact, I don’t want to describe them.  When I woke up from that dream, I tried to understand it and bring meaning to it and as soon as I started doing that, the feeling went away.  I realized that I should have just stayed with the feeling without the need to analyze or understand.  I now go back there, without words and am able to re-experience the feelings sans definition.

We don’t do that with negative feelings do we?  We don’t want to re-experience them. 

When bad things happen, it has to be someone’s fault.  For sure, it is the fault of the bad person who did the bad thing.  But it is also perhaps the fault of the person who something happened to, because they were negligent, stupid, too much of something (trusting, na├»ve, in a hurry, etc.).  Or the fault of a 3rd person who may have mislead them into going somewhere, doing something,... 

When something negative happens, we run into multiple directions trying to find fault and person(s) to accuse.  Sometimes, we run in the same circles after the accusation has been made.  Over and over again, we repeat in our heads, “I should have known better”, or “how could he have not kept his word”,...  This sometimes distracts us from the pain that we feel from having to deal with what has happened and at least, it makes us feel justified.

Finding fault or sentencing someone with an accusation is essentially about verbalizing an incomprehensive emotion.  When something bad happens, we can’t comprehend it, so we seek understanding.  Justice brings understanding back into our stories.  Words further organize our understanding with more clarity and certainty.  In the end it becomes a neatly wrapped package, easy to hold that we keep passing on to ourselves or others.

It is also safe. Words and definitions keep us at a safe distance away from the scene of the event.  We don’t have to relive the bad thing.  We can bathe in our own righteousness.

In my spiritual life coaching sessions, clients often present a situation from the standpoint of the judge and jury.  From that stance, change is not possible.  It is a dead end.  However, when the client is voluntarily and gently walked back to the starting point of the event, they realize that they have a choice.  They realize that there are many destinations from that single point of departure.  Letting go of judgment becomes easier.  Forgiveness becomes possible.  Freedom is the client’s to experience.  Words are not needed.

If you are interested in finding out about how you can experience more freedom, forgiveness, and satisfaction regardless of what has happened in your life, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute spiritual life coaching conversation.