Tuesday, May 24, 2011


She told me she wanted peace.  She was tired of the fighting, the drama, and the tears.  She was clear on what she did not want.  When asked if she wanted harmony, calm, or joy, she chose calm.  She couldn’t imagine harmony and joy because her life had been devoid of them for as long as she could remember.  Calm to her meant, absence of ups and downs.  In other words, she was choosing the middle ground.

That was then.

She has finally found the peace she was looking for.  When I asked her what it felt like, she explained that nothing had changed in her outer life.  The same situations showed up as often as before.  She wasn’t aroused or annoyed by them anymore.  She didn’t fall into her old coping mechanisms either.  She stayed in the moment without any expectations.  She didn’t know how each situation would end or how she herself would react.  She had no plans and just stayed with whatever was aggravating her.  Eventually, the aggravation would move on and in its place was peace.

This peace to her was more valuable than any certificate or award.  This peace brought a sense of deep wisdom that no one and nothing could take away.  When asked if it was the middle ground we had discussed earlier, she said, no.  It wasn’t the middle point.  It was the whole.  Her peace included the highs and the lows, and everything in between.  Her peace was all inclusive.  When she stopped labeling and categorizing, defending and attacking, justifying and rationalizing is when she found peace.  She got there without knowing she had gotten there.  There was no separation or exclusion.

Peace is about inclusion of all that is without labeling and judging.  She was at peace and I was honored to have shared her journey.

Questions to Ponder:
1) Are you longing for peace in your life?
2) Have you been struggling with the highs and lows and drama?
3) What does peace mean to you?

If you would like to experience peace more and more in your life, it might be time to consult a spiritual life coach.  Spiritual life coaching is about learning to let go of all that does not serve you anymore.  A coach can help you identify what is and isn’t serving you and the tools to learn to let go.  If you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute consultation, contact me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


I’ve heard guilt brought up in a humorous manner in many conversations.  Some even treat it as a badge of honor, in other words, it is good if they feel guilty about something.  It somehow makes them a better person to feel a certain degree of shame.  In my experience, guilt is the most toxic and self-destructive of all the negative emotions.  The moment you start your self-talk with I should have, I could have, why didn’t I,… is the moment you find yourself at the beginning of a cycle of self-abuse that is hard to get out of.

Guilt feeds into self-hate or lack of self-love.  It feeds into lack of trust and confidence.  It is the primary tumor that feeds all the other negative emotions and spreads like a cancer into our body and sense of well-being.  Nothing good ever comes of guilt.

Guilt is an excellent weapon used by others to control us.  It is used by the religions of the world, politicians, parents, and other leaders.  We all use it to get what we want unaware of its contagious nature.

It was created as a toxic bi-product of strong belief systems like the one that has to do with what is right and what is wrong.  Guilt likes to hang out with righteousness and justice.  It is the cement that holds all feelings of piety in place.

Guilt can change forms.  Reversed, it also feeds into blame.  Guilty people tend to blame others easily.  If you can blame yourself for the wrongs of the world, it is easy to blame others too.

Once you let guilt in, it is hard to get rid of because it pushes all other belief systems.  The good news is, that it does push all other belief systems.  In fact, one way to look at it would be to notice when you feel guilty and decide what belief systems needs to be released.

Guilt can also be used to diagnose self-hate.  When you start beating yourself up about something you did or didn’t do, stop and notice how you dislike yourself.  Stay in the pain of that realization.  Stay in the denial of the realization.  Stay wherever you are, and then consciously choose what to do.   This is one way you can make friends with guilt.  Use it as an instrument to detect what needs to change.

Caution: Guilt has the ability to create more guilt somewhere else!  Please be careful and don’t use it for that purpose.

Questions To Ponder:
1) When do you feel guilty?
2) What does feeling guilty provide?
3) How do you manage your guilt?

If you are being eaten up by guilt you may want to work with a spiritual life coach and learn how to release guilt and outdated belief systems.  Contact me for a 30 minute complimentary session to discuss whether spiritual life coaching might help you create a more self-fulfilling and meaningful life.