She claimed she was tired of waiting. It seemed like she was always waiting and time was running out. Some of the waiting was just part of the course. You have to wait to finish with school to graduate, you have to wait for your kids to get older before you can leave them alone at home, you have to wait to hear from the company or college if you have been accepted or not, etc. Knowing all this, she was still frustrated and sad by the waiting.
I was sure it wasn’t the waiting she was frustrated with. After further conversations, she revealed her reluctance to speak up. She tends to hold back what she really wants to say for fear of rocking the relationship, losing the friendship, causing trouble, opening a can of worms, it not being the right time, etc. There are lots of reasons why she holds back, most of them seemingly, external to her. The holding back morphs into waiting. She is waiting for the right opportunity to speak up and it never seems to come.
She is left unclear and unsure even to herself. Years of holding back make her appear fuzzy. She feels fuzzy. Yet, the person I have come to know is not fuzzy at all. She can tell me what she really thinks or feels, but she cannot utter her truth to those closest to her.
Interestingly, she seems to attract blunt people who have no trouble speaking up at all. They are always telling her what to do or not to do. It is as if they are trying to make her be clearer by guiding her, molding her, and trying to fix her. These types of interactions further support her tendency to hold back. There is no room for sharing her truth with people who are busy fixing, cleaning and straightening her out. So, she waits.
If you are stuck in a cycle of holding back, not expressing yourself, fearful of what you say might do to the most important relationships in your life, you may want to work with a transition coach. Transition coaching is about helping you deal with changes outside by changing your inside. No matter, how old you are, you don’t have to get stuck in beliefs and habits that don’t serve you anymore. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute transition coaching conversation to determine if I can help you change what is not working anymore.