Monday, April 16, 2012

Sitting On The Fence

It is inevitable. Whenever you are sitting on the fence about something, sooner or later you will be pushed to jump off and make a decision one way or the other. It is as if, by putting yourself on the fence you are announcing to the world that you are ready to make a move even if you aren’t absolutely sure in which direction. Then something happens and you are forced to do it. At least that’s the way I see it.

Unfortunately, many of my coaching clients don’t see it that way. In fact, most get caught up in the wind or the events that pushed them off the fence. They start analyzing what happened, how it happened, and why it happened. These explorations leave them anxious, angry, and ultimately empty. They try to justify their position, blame the person or the event that caused this push, and in the end they feel powerless and victim like. This is when our coaching sessions typically begin.

My job when a client feels like something  unfair has happened to them is to take them back to the point before the event. I often ask them, “were you completely satisfied with your life/work before X, Y or Z happened?” “If not, what were you looking to change?” And then, “what is stopping you from making that change now?” In other words, I try to take the attention away from the spark that lead to the fire, so they can focus on the fire and make decisions about what to do next. 

When facing a major life or work transition it becomes easier if we focus on what needs our attention now. Yet, people going through major transitions find themselves obsessively thinking the same thoughts and going around in circles trying to understand how the spark came to be. They intellectualize and analyze all the possible scenarios. They tire themselves out with judgments like: “it is so unfair”, or “I never did/said the things I am accused of doing/saying”, or “I am qualified for/deserve so much more”, … Their anxiety level goes through the roof, they start having difficulty sleeping thinking the same thoughts, until they make the appointment to see their coach or therapist.

Spiritual life coaching is about helping the client see the truth as it is in the now moment. I help my spiritual life coaching clients notice the present moment so t hey can make better decisions about where they want to go. Worrying about the future by analyzing the past to death is not going to pave the way for a more fulfilling future. When the client can see the spark for what it was (just a spark), they can let go of their victim so they can be their true empowered selves wherever they choose to go. 

If you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation, contact me. I work with people going through all kinds of transitions.

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