Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Decisions In Duality


Peter didn’t like making decisions. He didn’t make big decisions and he didn’t make small decisions either. Not making decisions was making a decision, and he didn’t know that. He waited for someone else, a situation outside of his control to make the decisions for him. He reacted to them and not usually in a positive way. If it was someone else who made the decision, he waited for signs of failure and then blamed the person who had ended up making the decision for them or for him. He blamed his wife for making the vacation plans if it ended up raining on the island they went to. And sometimes if nothing bad happened, he would wait for something bad to happen, so he was miserable the whole time as he waited. Peter was addicted to being unhappy and this fed into his inability or refusal to make active decisions. I don’t want to get into analyzing why and how Peter got to be this way. I do want to use Peter as an example of why and how any one of us can learn to be afraid of making active decisions.

Perhaps one day you made a decision that you considered later on to be a wrong decision. Perhaps, that choice ended up hurting you or the ones close to you. Now you could either learn something from having made that choice or you could blame yourself and punish yourself by refusing to engage in life, i.e., making new choices and moving beyond it. Now place all of this in the consciousness of duality and you have fireworks. Duality feeds into the concepts of right and wrong. Peter in duality is a lost cause because now he keeps on feeding into the wrong decision he once made. To make matters worse, and in keeping up with the nature of duality, he now blames others for the decision and collisions are bound to happen. Peter being incredibly stubborn and fixed in the way he looks at the world, keeps on keeping that fire alive by feeding it fear, judgment, and punishment.

Peter has a difficult time accepting and adapting to new consciousness. Peter has chained and imprisoned himself in the bowels of duality where there is a tit for every tat and he uses logic and brain power to maneuver himself in the maze he can’t get out of. The only way to begin to help Peter find his way out, is by finding a moment where his heart is open and he is not intoxicated with his thoughts. From that place and in the safety of that moment, Peter may be able to take a walk out of his prison and feel the possibility of a world without opposites. If you are somehow imprisoned by your thoughts, fears, expectations, judgments, etc. regarding a decision you’d like to make, step out of that prison for a bit. Take a deep breath and gently step out to a new vista, look at the big picture from the point of view of a spectator, and from that place make the decision. Don’t look back. Allow the possibility that it doesn’t have to make sense to you or to anybody else to be an acceptable reality. Allow room for uncertainty and with practice it might even become something to look forward to. New consciousness does not have an opposite. New consciousness does not punish, judge, push or effort. New consciousness is about inclusion and allowing. How often do we include and allow? To that extent we are open to new consciousness. It is easier to include and allow if we drop our concepts of right vs. wrong. So, don’t worry about making a mistake, open your heart, take a deep breath and go for it! You just might be able to step out of duality.

2 comments:

Asma' Ahmad said...

dear sherry;

sometime i also have difficulty after making decision. am done this thing right? or am i wrong? the question keep repeated when things going wrong especially when it deals with the person i love. but then, i agree with you.. once we've make a decision, there's nothing wrong or right. but next time, step out from our prison of fear, judgment and punishment and make decision wisely in a broad picture.

nothing can we get for being regret of what have been passed and fear of something that not even happen yet.. what matters is what we are and do right now..

thank you sherry for sharing your thoughts. it's realy helpful :)

Sherry Bakhtian said...

Dear Asma,

Thank you for writing about what happens after we make a decision. I had written about the fear of making a decision and you have spoken about what we might do to ourselves after. Yes, we have to constantly come back to the point of presence or the now moment, and navigate from here.

Warmly,
Sherry