It has become more and more apparent that most of our relationship issues have to do with a lack or insufficiency of self-love. It is something that most of us fall victim to. I’ve also noticed that my clients who are suffering from relationship issues are very action-oriented. I am not saying that being action-oriented is a bad thing, but when the balance of action and inaction is tilted more towards action, the concept of love is somehow neglected. We are constantly doing stuff and the more we do, the more we become addicted to the energy of doing. This addiction leads to a loss of balance in life. Unfortunately, the more we do, the less we value not doing or being. Ironically, it is in the moments of not doing that we find true self-love or self-acceptance.
The more we do, the more we value our accomplishments and the harder it becomes to not do. If you find yourself in this place, then you cannot love yourself because you have no reason to. Reason is a consequence of action/conditions or something tangible. At this point you have forgotten the whole concept of unconditional love. This is the time when we rush into relationships or start picking apart those we are involved in. In a sense we are demanding love from our loved ones or anyone who will give it to us. In other words, we are looking for love from the outside. This is when people start having problems in their relationships.
When someone comes to me for relationship coaching and starts with all the problems in their relationship or the other person, I listen and I try to direct the attention back to the person in front of me. What still amazes me and my clients is that when you start being loving towards yourself and accept yourself fully, your relationships start working out. This seems like magic to many. I hear a lot of, “I don’t know why, but he/she has really changed”, “We get along so much better”, “It is as if he/she is a different person”, etc. I smile and remind the client that the person who has changed is them, but that change has had a cascading effect on all of their relationships. So, remember, it is indeed true that when you change, the whole world changes with you. When you learn to love yourself unconditionally, you are more relaxed, complete, and fun to be with. In addition, you are setting up a great example for those around you to do the same.