Friday, April 15, 2011

Changing is Not Easy

The most unfamiliar and uncomfortable part of change is that in between place where you are not the person you were before but haven’t quite become the person you want to be.  This is the part where some people give up on the transition journey, become negative or get depressed. 

I hear a lot of: “darn it, I tried and it just doesn’t work for me” or “maybe, I just can’t change”.  What I don’t hear a lot but perhaps is going on in the client’s head is: “this is just a bunch of @#$%” or “I was better off doing what I was doing”.
I can personally relate to this level of frustration and have spent some time trying to understand the in between place inside the bowels of a major transition.

Breaking change and its following transition down into steps:

1)    Something triggers the need to change
2)    You earnestly decide to make a change
3)    Learn about what it takes to change and what it is exactly that needs to change
4)    End the way you did something or a quality or habit about yourself
5)    Practice the new way of being or doing
6)    Fall off the wagon
7)    Don’t get the results you had hoped for
8)    Lose some relationships either because you don’t relate to certain people anymore or find yourself questioning certain relationships
9)    Feel lonely and/or alone
10)    Recognize that you have changed indeed
11)    New relationships or new-old relationships or new opportunities show up

Steps 5 through 9 happen over and over again and the duration depends on how major the change is.  The in between place is right smack in between steps 5 through 9.  There are no remedies, quick fixes or words of consolation when someone is going through these steps.  It is a lonely and introspective time. 

Time well spent in these steps can determine the sustainability and success of the transition.  This is because, real change takes time.  If you rush the time between steps 5 through 9, you are bound to go back to the way you used to be and repeat the whole process.  That is what happens to people who jump from one relationship to another marrying or dating a slightly different version of the same person all over again, or take a different job to find out they have created the same scenario with their co-workers or boss just in a different organization.

The next time you find yourself frustrated with the in between place or the journey of your transition, remember that it is natural.  Even your frustrations are natural.  It is ok to be angry, lonely, depressed, etc.  It will pass if you let it be and learn and practice what you need to do and how you need to be.  Use the lonely time wisely, get help from a counselor or a spiritual life coach, and when you come out of your cocoon, you will spread your wings like a butterfly transformed and the wormy experience you had before becomes just a distant memory!

If you are going through a transition and need help and support to make sustainable and deeply meaningful changes in your life/work, please contact me for a complimentary 30 minute consultation.
Spiritual life coaching is about changing the way you have been living.

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