Monday, March 28, 2011


No one seems to consciously want to end anything except maybe in the case of a divorce.  But even with that, many people still hang on to the belief of an ideal marriage or relationship.  In the William Bridges transition model, he states that every transition starts with an ending.  It is how we deal with or acknowledge the ending that determines the ease and success of our transition.  People don’t want to focus on endings.  No one does, but it is a truth that is unavoidable.  In order to begin again, one must end something that was going on before.  More important, one must acknowledge the ending emotionally.  It is like the pause before the next breath.  If we continue jumping from one beginning to another, like a child in a room full of toys, we are distracted, incomplete and ultimately, dissatisfied, not to mention, fragile and sensitive to breakdowns as a result of not processing our emotions regarding the endings.

Unfortunately, the culture we live in and most likely work in, won’t allow for acknowledging endings.  It is perhaps looked upon as a sign of weakness to get teary eyed about something that is no more, a boss that was fired, a child that has left home, a marriage that has ended, etc.  Yes, life goes on and we must pick up the pieces, but before moving ahead, we need to address our loss and what has ended.  Some people talk to counselors or therapists.  Some write in their journals.  Some talk about it to friends and co-workers.  However you do it, make sure you are dealing with it.  It might take longer than you think.  It will take as long as it does and what works for one person does not necessarily work for another. Sometimes, you may revisit old feelings of loss years later after the event.  It is all natural, so don’t fight it, judge it, or push it away.  Just sit with it and nurture and accept yourself for what you are feeling.

Endings come in different forms.  It could be a very internal ending like the ending of the way you feel about someone.  Feelings evolve and it is natural to no longer feel what you used to feel.  Change is a very real and constant fact of life and the more comfortable we are with understanding our own needs when going through a major change, the easier the transition will be. 

Questions to Ponder:
1)    What is the major transition you are going through right now?
2)    What are the range of feelings you are experiencing?  How are you handling them?
3)    Who is helping you go through your transition?  

If you are going through a major life or work transition and are confused, angry, or sad, it might be a good time to contact a life transition coach who can help you gain clarity on what is going on and how to make it through your transition gracefully and confidently.  Change happens all the time, you can learn how to handle it fearlessly.  Please contact me for a complimentary session to decide if coaching is the right process for you.

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