The best place to practice this is in a group with a common mission or goal. This could be some organization you belong to, your church, or your work. Whenever a group gets together, there are going to be differences of opinion because there are going to be differences of experience. And that’s a good thing.
But, how are those disagreements handled? Do you openly talk and discuss your differences with respect? Are you willing to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see from their perspective? Can you compromise or negotiate? In some situations, when there is a hierarchy and members of the group have seen or perceived that if they disagree with the person in charge, they are put aside or worse, fired, they learn to not voice their disagreements. So, what happens to those disagreements? They don’t go away. They fester and grow into resentments, a counter culture of passive or sometimes not-so-passive resistance which will definitely affect morale and work. Everyone loses when disagreements are not handled with a positive and cooperative attitude.
I’d like to go a bit further and say that disagreements should not only be handled positively, but sought after systematically. Disagreements can be the source of new ideas, innovations, creativity, and expansion. Only after we have seen something from all possible angles can we then add to or truly improve it and in that way, a disagreement is a good thing.
Questions:
1) What was the last issue that caused you hurt feelings or got you mad? What was the source of the problem?
2) How did you handle it?
3) How would you have liked to have handled it?
4) What might you try next time something like it happens again?
9 comments:
Dear Asma,
I did not publish your comment. If you want to contact me by email you can: bcscoaching@icreateaspace.com
Hope we can talk,
Sherry
The challenge of a disagreement is to “agree to disagree” then the experience is positive and worthy.
To achieve that, we have to leave our ego behind and let our heart do the talking.
To answer your questions:
1- The source of the problem is me, as my attitude towards the disagreement is the cause of the trouble.
2- I try to see why I’m so angry, and what I should learn from the situation.
3- I like the way I handle the situations, even if they take a bit of time.
4- Same as I’m doing now, talk to me ego and make peace with it.
loveNlight
Gabi
Thank you dear Gabi for your open sharing. I agree, about your comment to agree to disagree and then walk away. You have to really do it though, so often we say it, but deep down we are hanging on to our position, hoping that the other person will fail, etc.
Love,
Sherry
Hi Sherry
I'm reading a book called Limits of Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Try about when to say Yes and when to say No, to take control of our lives. Most of us have the Disorder the Limit of personality. We do not know when to act, what to do and where to act. I've found that setting limits is important.
On the other hand, when we disagree with someone or a situation, it is difficult for me to handle the Ego, because if you choose to agree with the other person and you look around trying to put myself in their shoes, then you let it go. Come the resentments, for the reason that I did not put adequate limits for fear of losing that person, for fear of my reaction is sometimes anger. We must learn to set limits at all to protect us, at work, family, couple, friends, children, even with the dog. Setting limits will be happier people, who are on our side will be because they really love and respect us.
A big greeting,
Isabel
Dear Isabel,
Thank you for your comment. I agree with what you said about the ego, it is the ego that determines how we react to disagreements. When we put ourselves in some one else's shoes, we see that there are many different ways of looking at a situation based on your experience. In other words, there is no wrong or right. From that place and understanding we can consciously choose to do whatever we want.
I hear what you say about limits and boundaries especially as it relates to interacting with people. However, be careful, that can be a great tool for the ego to use against you. You might think you are just setting boundaries, but you might just be protecting your ego. For example, if someone doesn't pay for my services or doesn't show up for an appointment without explanation, I have my boundaries. So, I know that this client is no longer a client of mine and I can let them know that (respecting the boundary and living within it). Or I can go on getting angry, blaming them, feeling sorry for myself, not trusting any other clients, etc. That is an ego reaction to "what is".
Thanks again for sharing!
Love,
Sherry
Dear Sherry
I had a friend and suddenly off the conexion with me, block me at
BB chat and messenger,
I called him, send an sms and
He did not answer, I wrote for know why the distance and he did not respond.
I wrote about respect his decision and nothing.
My ego is in the middle of this, I was upset, angry for the situation and have decided Let it go without explanation. We have ten years knowning each other, We were sweethearts in school and then friends. I know where to look and ask one explanation, but fear and especially the ego, break my decision. It is likely that spend your time and do not know it happened and it becomes an obsession in my life.
I would like a little light on this will be possible.
Thanks Sherry,
Isabel
Dear Isabel,
Ouch! That is a tough one to wrap your head or heart around. I've had a few people drop out of my life too and most of the time I wasn't sure why. It is hard when you liked the person and you miss them. Closure is important, and when you are left hanging, it is tough. I would say, in your heart to forgive him, honor him, and bless him, in other words, create your own closure. You can even write him a letter (that you don't send) saying everything you'd like to say, this way you get it off of your chest and say your goodbye in your own way.
The answer might come to you at a later time when you are not so raw from this situation.
Best Wishes,
Sherry
Thanks Sherry, I'm more relaxed. I did not know that you yourself can make a closure ritual of a situation without verbal contact.
The first few days that passed were very hard, not because it is romantically interested, but because it happened with my first boyfriend when I was twelve, suddenly stopped talking to me I do not know why and I stopped to talk too, then took a long time with it as you say "That is a tough one to wrap your head or heart around". So, I did not realize the closing ritual, it is likely that my emotional memory of the event is remembered and affect me that way.
When I was aware of what was happening, the pain began to invade, what I did was let him in and see all those unfinished and unexplained abandonment off a reason, such as that of my father who has been visible but physically and emotionally affective zero. I think I have many closures to perform, I perform a ritual for all those who in one way or another stopped talking to me without explanation.
Thanks again, I am very grateful.
I wish you a good weekend,
Isabel
Dear Isabel,
You may even want to end it with the you who was then. The aspect of you who got hurt and left stranded needs to be released so you can be all of you again.
Let me know how you make out.
Love,
Sherry
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