Endings are prevalent in my world. My coaching clients are all experiencing loss or death. Whether it be the death of a relationship, a way of being, childhood, a tradition, a job, innocence, or a belief system, they have all been endings indeed. Some of the deaths make us sad and like the death of a loved one, we need to grieve them. Some are liberating, because they are long awaited, in other words, it was time.
All death ends up being expansive. Yes, even the death of a loved one. Once you allow yourself to grieve and acknowledge the grief, you can go beyond. Something always has to end in order for something else to begin. We dread endings, but endings in a way signify life. Spring wouldn’t be Spring without Winter.
The Spring I am writing about is not to be experienced in the company of someone else. The kinds of beginnings that follow the endings I am referring to are the ones we experience alone. The person you become when you lose someone close to you, a job you loved, or a way of life, is not anything you can explain or share. It is a journey traveled alone. Perhaps this contributes to our fear of death.
Our evolution however, depends on these deaths. Deaths are about letting go of something for the good of the whole. We hang on to our differences, our cultures, languages, etc. It is a way we think to keep them alive. What we are doing is choking the life force. No one wants to idly sit by and allow something to become extinct, and yet we all will be extinct one day. The fear of extinction is what compels us to hang on and fear death.
What if we did not look at it as losing something? What if we looked at it as a stage of life. Yes, a stage of life. Death can be seen as a stage of life. Death is about allowing, it is expansive and evolving. Death can only be seen this way when you release judgment. Western culture sees death as a morbid topic and yet I’d like to invite you to see it as a necessary part of your experience of life. Endings are necessary. Endings are liberating. Endings are sad, but when the sadness evaporates, the seedling can sprout.
If you are in the midst of a difficult ending, and would like support in seeing this transition in a different light, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual coaching is about changing the way you believe things to be in order to have a more meaningful and complete experience. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute consultation to determine if spiritual coaching is for you.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Sovereignty
Everyone claims that they want ultimate authority over their own fate. Regardless of what your political or cultural inclinations may be, on paper we all want to be independent and the master of our own domain(s). That is until we realize what that means.
Some are quick to blame someone, an event , or an institution when something goes wrong. Even though, this may be true from the "blamer’s" perspective, dwelling on the feelings of blame is destructive and dis-empowering. Others like to think that the hand of God or some mysterious force, is responsible for the good in their lives. And then there are those who believe that life is all a series of random events and that if you are lucky, you will be dealt a good hand. None of these ways of thinking lead to independence or sovereignty.
Independent does not mean alone. We all are inter-dependent whether we know it or not. Yet, inter-dependence is not a weakness. As in management, you delegate the work, so you don’t have to do it all yourself. With that however, comes the reality that the person you have delegated to, may or may not do what you have expected them to do, or done it in the manner you would have liked them to. This is the crux of the problem, we want to be managers and delegate as long as it still gets done exactly the way we want it to get done, regardless of how that way may change as we change and how impossible this is the more we look into it!
In other words, we want sovereignty until it fails us and then we would like to blame the other person, circumstances, the powers to be, the government, our politicians, the terrorists, and on and on it goes. It’s always someone else’s fault when we don’t get what we want. Yet, we refuse to take responsibility that sometimes we want different things, in fact, sometimes we want opposite things.
Inter-dependence is an experience enhancer, that is until entitlement enters the picture. Entitlement is about expecting a perfect job, boss, government, or any other situation. Entitlement robs us of our sovereignty. The moment we feel entitled, we have handed over our sovereignty to the other.
Many of my coaching clients are going through an involuntary transition like a job loss. More than the fear or concern about the future, what seems to be the main issue they are facing is the fact that their transition is not voluntary. They did not choose to change jobs. This questions their sovereignty and they don’t like it one bit.
Through the course of coaching sessions, we both discover that what they thought was their sovereignty was not the case at all. In fact, they recall all the events that they may have missed, the opportunities they did not seek, the vacations they did not take, the appointments they neglected to make, other jobs they did not apply for, and then all of a sudden they realize how much of life was not lived because they were obligated to their jobs or careers. Then the anger sets in and for some, the blame takes place. Some of the bitterness is about the life they have missed out on for a sense of responsibility or loyalty they may have had towards a job that was taken away. Yes, they know how business works and it is not personal, but they realize all the personal stuff they gave up for an impersonal pursuit. Then it becomes personal!
Sovereignty is about accepting full responsibility for all of your creations. It includes, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sovereignty is about taking full responsibility for what is happening in your life, and if you can’t, then taking responsibility for how you are reacting to what is happening in your life.
No entity can take anything away from you unless you have somehow invited it to. Spending time with the possibility of that invitation is what helps you stay sovereign. If you spend time discovering the wisdom in what is happening , you will not be basting in blame or entitlement. And there truly is wisdom in all that is happening, we have just been too busy feeling sorry for ourselves or blaming and pointing fingers.
If you are at a point in your life where you’d like to learn more about ways to enhance your experience of sovereignty, you may want to consider spiritual life coaching. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if spiritual coaching is for you.
Some are quick to blame someone, an event , or an institution when something goes wrong. Even though, this may be true from the "blamer’s" perspective, dwelling on the feelings of blame is destructive and dis-empowering. Others like to think that the hand of God or some mysterious force, is responsible for the good in their lives. And then there are those who believe that life is all a series of random events and that if you are lucky, you will be dealt a good hand. None of these ways of thinking lead to independence or sovereignty.
Independent does not mean alone. We all are inter-dependent whether we know it or not. Yet, inter-dependence is not a weakness. As in management, you delegate the work, so you don’t have to do it all yourself. With that however, comes the reality that the person you have delegated to, may or may not do what you have expected them to do, or done it in the manner you would have liked them to. This is the crux of the problem, we want to be managers and delegate as long as it still gets done exactly the way we want it to get done, regardless of how that way may change as we change and how impossible this is the more we look into it!
In other words, we want sovereignty until it fails us and then we would like to blame the other person, circumstances, the powers to be, the government, our politicians, the terrorists, and on and on it goes. It’s always someone else’s fault when we don’t get what we want. Yet, we refuse to take responsibility that sometimes we want different things, in fact, sometimes we want opposite things.
Inter-dependence is an experience enhancer, that is until entitlement enters the picture. Entitlement is about expecting a perfect job, boss, government, or any other situation. Entitlement robs us of our sovereignty. The moment we feel entitled, we have handed over our sovereignty to the other.
Many of my coaching clients are going through an involuntary transition like a job loss. More than the fear or concern about the future, what seems to be the main issue they are facing is the fact that their transition is not voluntary. They did not choose to change jobs. This questions their sovereignty and they don’t like it one bit.
Through the course of coaching sessions, we both discover that what they thought was their sovereignty was not the case at all. In fact, they recall all the events that they may have missed, the opportunities they did not seek, the vacations they did not take, the appointments they neglected to make, other jobs they did not apply for, and then all of a sudden they realize how much of life was not lived because they were obligated to their jobs or careers. Then the anger sets in and for some, the blame takes place. Some of the bitterness is about the life they have missed out on for a sense of responsibility or loyalty they may have had towards a job that was taken away. Yes, they know how business works and it is not personal, but they realize all the personal stuff they gave up for an impersonal pursuit. Then it becomes personal!
Sovereignty is about accepting full responsibility for all of your creations. It includes, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sovereignty is about taking full responsibility for what is happening in your life, and if you can’t, then taking responsibility for how you are reacting to what is happening in your life.
No entity can take anything away from you unless you have somehow invited it to. Spending time with the possibility of that invitation is what helps you stay sovereign. If you spend time discovering the wisdom in what is happening , you will not be basting in blame or entitlement. And there truly is wisdom in all that is happening, we have just been too busy feeling sorry for ourselves or blaming and pointing fingers.
If you are at a point in your life where you’d like to learn more about ways to enhance your experience of sovereignty, you may want to consider spiritual life coaching. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if spiritual coaching is for you.
Friday, March 16, 2012
The Perfectionist
I coach many people who are self-declared perfectionists. They typically know this about themselves and yet find it hard to deal with especially when they have multiple deadlines or an important project they need to finish. What seems to happen with perfectionists is that the target keeps on moving. This can lead to stress and extreme overwhelm.
It is almost as if they keep on moving the bar higher and higher and can never achieve success because success keeps on being redefined. The mind of a perfectionist is a hostile place. There is no room for rest, relaxation or any kind of comfort at all.
Here are 10 things a perfectionist tells herself:
1) It’s not good at all
2) It could be better
3) What if there is something that needs to be changed and I am not seeing it right now?
4) What if I overlook something and someone else sees it?
5) I could do better
6) I’ll spend another hour, day, week, month, etc. and then it will be done
7) If there were more hours in a day, I could do it right
8) I won’t do it, because I can’t do it the way I want to do it
9) I’ll never get it done and I am ashamed and frustrated with myself
10) I am overwhelmed by my incomplete projects
The perfectionist keeps on engaging in perfectionism because the end product, finished project, or whatever they finally complete ends up being such a success that they end up feeling like it was well worth it. If you are tired of struggling with perfectionism and find yourself stuck or overwhelmed, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching is about creating a safe space for discovery. Changing your language and self-talk may be the first step after the awareness that you are indeed a perfectionist. Contact me if you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation.
It is almost as if they keep on moving the bar higher and higher and can never achieve success because success keeps on being redefined. The mind of a perfectionist is a hostile place. There is no room for rest, relaxation or any kind of comfort at all.
Here are 10 things a perfectionist tells herself:
1) It’s not good at all
2) It could be better
3) What if there is something that needs to be changed and I am not seeing it right now?
4) What if I overlook something and someone else sees it?
5) I could do better
6) I’ll spend another hour, day, week, month, etc. and then it will be done
7) If there were more hours in a day, I could do it right
8) I won’t do it, because I can’t do it the way I want to do it
9) I’ll never get it done and I am ashamed and frustrated with myself
10) I am overwhelmed by my incomplete projects
The perfectionist keeps on engaging in perfectionism because the end product, finished project, or whatever they finally complete ends up being such a success that they end up feeling like it was well worth it. If you are tired of struggling with perfectionism and find yourself stuck or overwhelmed, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching is about creating a safe space for discovery. Changing your language and self-talk may be the first step after the awareness that you are indeed a perfectionist. Contact me if you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Beginners
His 13 year old daughter comes home and announces that she is going to a co-ed party that is going to last until midnight. He is faced with what to do about this declaration and about his own feelings of uncertainty. Should I say no, you are too young for that. Is she too young for that? I feel really unsure about my decision. Why am I so uncomfortable? All these thoughts start eating away at his insides and his stress level goes up and he snaps at his wife who wants to know what to make for dinner. Sounds familiar?
In my article dated February 12, 2012, the second obstacle to creativity was the need for knowledge. I was writing about creativity, and now I am applying this concept to life in general. Take parenting as in the example above. Most parents face it at one time or another. It is uncharted territory especially if it is your first child. And even if it is not, every child is different and what worked with one may not work with another. However, with the second and consequent children, you can remember the feeling of uncertainty you experienced with the first one and that in itself is comforting (the memory that you have experienced this unease before). Some parents when faced with the unease of being a beginner may refer to how their parents dealt with them or imagine what they would have done. That gives them a sense of comfort.
Being a beginner is not easy and it is harder as you get older. One reason being that you expect to know more, after all, you are older. Yet, life always has a way of throwing you a curve ball, just when you think you have figured it all. This is what many of my seasoned clients who are losing a job feel like. I have not had to go on a job interview for 20 years, I’m not sure how to do that anymore. I’ve been an expert in my company and everyone knows me, I am nervous about having to prove myself to a new boss and a new company.
Then there are the really serious and not so positive new experiences, like waking up one day after losing a loved one, or hearing a serious health diagnosis, or finding out something unsettling about a loved one. These are the moments where we feel like our life experiences, education and knowledge, are failing us. We are exposed to the raw sensation of not having a clue and yet, the issue at hand may be demanding us to do something or act in a certain way and we are completely unsure about what or how or if it is the right thing to do.
What if as in the example of creativity, we allowed ourselves to get comfortable with the fact that we are a beginner at it? In other words, what if instead of fear, dread, or intimidation, we faced the issue with certainty of our own uncertainty and ignorance about the topic at hand?
Take the top example, if the father in this example just took a deep breath and thought: Wow, this is interesting. I have no idea what to do. I feel anxious, because I think my daughter is too young to be hanging out with teenage boys at a party. I feel like my baby is growing up too fast. I don’t want to be a strict parent, but I don’t want her to get hurt or exposed to stuff she can’t handle.
Notice how these thoughts are all leading into another similar thought. That is exactly what staying in uncertainty is all about. It is about staying in that place and clarifying your discomfort over and over again. It will calm you down, give you a sense of certainty about your own uncertainty. It will bring more light and clarity to your biggest fears. And in the end, it will allow you to communicate honestly, openly and without drama.
Our fear is getting stuck in the uncertainty, looking weak, or not succeeding. However, we do get stuck, look weak and not get what we want, when we either fight the uncertainty or give up and avoid moving forward. Surrendering to uncertainty is about admitting to being a beginner. It is refreshing to be around someone who is not arrogant or over confident, especially if that person happens to be our parent!
If you are going through uncertain times, dealing with situations that are making you feel uneasy, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching sessions are geared towards helping the client get comfortable with life’s many uncertainties by becoming confident that they can get through any situation even if they don’t know how. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if you’d like to proceed with coaching.
In my article dated February 12, 2012, the second obstacle to creativity was the need for knowledge. I was writing about creativity, and now I am applying this concept to life in general. Take parenting as in the example above. Most parents face it at one time or another. It is uncharted territory especially if it is your first child. And even if it is not, every child is different and what worked with one may not work with another. However, with the second and consequent children, you can remember the feeling of uncertainty you experienced with the first one and that in itself is comforting (the memory that you have experienced this unease before). Some parents when faced with the unease of being a beginner may refer to how their parents dealt with them or imagine what they would have done. That gives them a sense of comfort.
Being a beginner is not easy and it is harder as you get older. One reason being that you expect to know more, after all, you are older. Yet, life always has a way of throwing you a curve ball, just when you think you have figured it all. This is what many of my seasoned clients who are losing a job feel like. I have not had to go on a job interview for 20 years, I’m not sure how to do that anymore. I’ve been an expert in my company and everyone knows me, I am nervous about having to prove myself to a new boss and a new company.
Then there are the really serious and not so positive new experiences, like waking up one day after losing a loved one, or hearing a serious health diagnosis, or finding out something unsettling about a loved one. These are the moments where we feel like our life experiences, education and knowledge, are failing us. We are exposed to the raw sensation of not having a clue and yet, the issue at hand may be demanding us to do something or act in a certain way and we are completely unsure about what or how or if it is the right thing to do.
What if as in the example of creativity, we allowed ourselves to get comfortable with the fact that we are a beginner at it? In other words, what if instead of fear, dread, or intimidation, we faced the issue with certainty of our own uncertainty and ignorance about the topic at hand?
Take the top example, if the father in this example just took a deep breath and thought: Wow, this is interesting. I have no idea what to do. I feel anxious, because I think my daughter is too young to be hanging out with teenage boys at a party. I feel like my baby is growing up too fast. I don’t want to be a strict parent, but I don’t want her to get hurt or exposed to stuff she can’t handle.
Notice how these thoughts are all leading into another similar thought. That is exactly what staying in uncertainty is all about. It is about staying in that place and clarifying your discomfort over and over again. It will calm you down, give you a sense of certainty about your own uncertainty. It will bring more light and clarity to your biggest fears. And in the end, it will allow you to communicate honestly, openly and without drama.
Our fear is getting stuck in the uncertainty, looking weak, or not succeeding. However, we do get stuck, look weak and not get what we want, when we either fight the uncertainty or give up and avoid moving forward. Surrendering to uncertainty is about admitting to being a beginner. It is refreshing to be around someone who is not arrogant or over confident, especially if that person happens to be our parent!
If you are going through uncertain times, dealing with situations that are making you feel uneasy, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching sessions are geared towards helping the client get comfortable with life’s many uncertainties by becoming confident that they can get through any situation even if they don’t know how. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if you’d like to proceed with coaching.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Spiritual Development
I frequently coach clients on the area of spiritual development. Most have a solid spiritual understanding and want to enhance or embrace it into their lives. Some are curious about spirituality and want to learn more about it. Below is an example of the type of conversations I have with my “spiritually challenged” or “spiritually curious” clients.
“I want to be more spiritual, have more faith, believe in magic”, she said. She explained how she has always been jealous of people who believed in something bigger than themselves, God, whatever. She wished she was like them. When she sees a beautiful sunset, her mind rationalizes the event as a phenomenon that can easily be explained by science. She loses the opportunity to experience the magic in the beauty of the sunset. It is as if those moments of pure beauty and wonder just zoom past her.
During our conversation, she described how her life has been full of challenges and she has had to be realistic. She had to make her life work for her, she didn’t have the luxury of depending on someone else to do it for her or even to help her. Perhaps that is when she lost her faith. Perhaps this is why she can’t afford to get lost in the moment. She feels like she needs to always be on her toes. She can’t be caught off guard.
Ironically, her best friend is a person who considers himself spiritual and full of faith. He prays and believes that the power of prayer and God have been instrumental in getting him out of tough times. He owes everything to his faith. He trusts his intuition, and is in touch with his feelings. He is not afraid to express himself and linger in life’s intangible magical moments. She wishes she were more like him.
As different as they may seem, they have a lot in common. Both individuals are hard working, intelligent, and have been challenged in life with difficult situations. Both are realistically optimistic. Yes, both are realistic. Just because he is more accepting of life’s magic does not make him unrealistic. Unrealistic would be if he expected the magic to take over and tell him what to do. He does what he believes he should do, he just believes that there is extra help and support out there. Perhaps not even out there, but closer to him. He has an intimate connection with an unknowable presence.
She on the other hand, depends only on herself. She knows she has endured many difficulties and that if her life goes that way again, she will muster up the strength to deal with it. She is optimistic. She is a little more stressed than him. She does not feel the support that he does. She depends on her own intelligence, pragmatism, and experience to pull her out of dire situations.
She always feels alone. He never does. Perhaps, that is what she is really jealous of. When caught off guard with a beautiful sunset, she does not feel the presence of something else. She goes to her head, and there is no joy there, just rational explanation. He on the other hand, goes to his heart and feels a presence that is beyond his mental understanding. He is comfortable there. He is full of joy. She is off to the next item on her list.
Spiritual life coaching is a process that will help you find the presence you are missing in your life. if you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to decide if you’d like to work with me, contact me.
“I want to be more spiritual, have more faith, believe in magic”, she said. She explained how she has always been jealous of people who believed in something bigger than themselves, God, whatever. She wished she was like them. When she sees a beautiful sunset, her mind rationalizes the event as a phenomenon that can easily be explained by science. She loses the opportunity to experience the magic in the beauty of the sunset. It is as if those moments of pure beauty and wonder just zoom past her.
During our conversation, she described how her life has been full of challenges and she has had to be realistic. She had to make her life work for her, she didn’t have the luxury of depending on someone else to do it for her or even to help her. Perhaps that is when she lost her faith. Perhaps this is why she can’t afford to get lost in the moment. She feels like she needs to always be on her toes. She can’t be caught off guard.
Ironically, her best friend is a person who considers himself spiritual and full of faith. He prays and believes that the power of prayer and God have been instrumental in getting him out of tough times. He owes everything to his faith. He trusts his intuition, and is in touch with his feelings. He is not afraid to express himself and linger in life’s intangible magical moments. She wishes she were more like him.
As different as they may seem, they have a lot in common. Both individuals are hard working, intelligent, and have been challenged in life with difficult situations. Both are realistically optimistic. Yes, both are realistic. Just because he is more accepting of life’s magic does not make him unrealistic. Unrealistic would be if he expected the magic to take over and tell him what to do. He does what he believes he should do, he just believes that there is extra help and support out there. Perhaps not even out there, but closer to him. He has an intimate connection with an unknowable presence.
She on the other hand, depends only on herself. She knows she has endured many difficulties and that if her life goes that way again, she will muster up the strength to deal with it. She is optimistic. She is a little more stressed than him. She does not feel the support that he does. She depends on her own intelligence, pragmatism, and experience to pull her out of dire situations.
She always feels alone. He never does. Perhaps, that is what she is really jealous of. When caught off guard with a beautiful sunset, she does not feel the presence of something else. She goes to her head, and there is no joy there, just rational explanation. He on the other hand, goes to his heart and feels a presence that is beyond his mental understanding. He is comfortable there. He is full of joy. She is off to the next item on her list.
Spiritual life coaching is a process that will help you find the presence you are missing in your life. if you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to decide if you’d like to work with me, contact me.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Obstacles To Creativity (Part III)
This is part III of a series of posts on this blog on obstacles to creative expression.
Third obstacle:
• Expectations and Fears
The “what ifs” can be a huge obstacle on the path to exploring and expressing your creativity. What if you are not well received? What if you are no good? What if everyone laughs at, or pities you? The underlying fear to all these “what ifs” is the fear of failure.
Failure is the one end of success. If you are afraid of failure, you must be hoping for success. This is an expectation. Expectations are to be avoided when seeking the creative path. There is no such thing as success or failure in the traditional way of understanding those terms. Success is creative expression. In other words, if you were courageous enough to try it, then you have succeeded. It does not matter how your art or expression is received. The moment you start worrying about the end product and other people’s reaction to it, you have talked yourself out of doing it.
A healthy dose of humility that may show up in the form of anxiety before a performance or showing is normal. After all, it is scary being out there for all to see. This is the time to remember the joy that your creative expression brought to you during the process. That has always been the goal. If you remember that, you can cruise through the anxiety more easily.
When you remember the fun, excitement, and exhilaration you experienced when you were creating whatever it is you created, you are more likely to do it again and again. Also, when you are doing it without expectation to be accepted or validated, then you can change directions, take a break or try something else. It is quite liberating to create for the sake of creating and not for any accolades.
Another well concealed fear, is the fear of success. Most people are afraid of their greatness! In that case, the “what ifs” are: What if I have to quit my day job? What if I become famous? What if I lose my friends? What if I change? Yes, the greatest of them all, is the fear of change. Every time you express yourself creatively, you are pushing the limits. You are exploring your creativity and having a blast at the same time. This goes against, the expression: “no pain, no gain”. You start hesitating a bit, because it starts to question many of your belief systems.
Could you have fun creating something, be good at it, and perhaps even get paid for it? That is scary for many. If you are somewhere on this path and are having doubts, fears or hesitations, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching is about accepting and honoring your creativity so you can keep on creating without any guilt or expectation. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if this is something you’d like to pursue.
Third obstacle:
• Expectations and Fears
The “what ifs” can be a huge obstacle on the path to exploring and expressing your creativity. What if you are not well received? What if you are no good? What if everyone laughs at, or pities you? The underlying fear to all these “what ifs” is the fear of failure.
Failure is the one end of success. If you are afraid of failure, you must be hoping for success. This is an expectation. Expectations are to be avoided when seeking the creative path. There is no such thing as success or failure in the traditional way of understanding those terms. Success is creative expression. In other words, if you were courageous enough to try it, then you have succeeded. It does not matter how your art or expression is received. The moment you start worrying about the end product and other people’s reaction to it, you have talked yourself out of doing it.
A healthy dose of humility that may show up in the form of anxiety before a performance or showing is normal. After all, it is scary being out there for all to see. This is the time to remember the joy that your creative expression brought to you during the process. That has always been the goal. If you remember that, you can cruise through the anxiety more easily.
When you remember the fun, excitement, and exhilaration you experienced when you were creating whatever it is you created, you are more likely to do it again and again. Also, when you are doing it without expectation to be accepted or validated, then you can change directions, take a break or try something else. It is quite liberating to create for the sake of creating and not for any accolades.
Another well concealed fear, is the fear of success. Most people are afraid of their greatness! In that case, the “what ifs” are: What if I have to quit my day job? What if I become famous? What if I lose my friends? What if I change? Yes, the greatest of them all, is the fear of change. Every time you express yourself creatively, you are pushing the limits. You are exploring your creativity and having a blast at the same time. This goes against, the expression: “no pain, no gain”. You start hesitating a bit, because it starts to question many of your belief systems.
Could you have fun creating something, be good at it, and perhaps even get paid for it? That is scary for many. If you are somewhere on this path and are having doubts, fears or hesitations, you may want to consider working with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching is about accepting and honoring your creativity so you can keep on creating without any guilt or expectation. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if this is something you’d like to pursue.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Obstacles To Creativity (Part II)
This is part II of a series of posts on this blog on obstacles to creative expression.
Second obstacle:
• The need for knowledge, expertise, recognition, acceptance, …
The more we do something, the better we get at it. Soon we can become an expert in whatever it is that we have been practicing or doing regularly. This is how we think we become successful. Most high achieving professionals think that success is a result of being known for doing something that you are an expert in. Steve Jobs in his commencement address at Stanford University in 2005 said: “I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”
One of my clients who enjoys singing was explaining to me: “Every time I sing, it forces me to get out of my head. I have to be in the moment, I never know what will come out. No matter how much I have rehearsed, that moment with the audience listening, is all that counts. I have to be present and willing to take a chance. It sounds scary, but I love every bit of it.” She takes voice lessons and rehearses regularly and yet she is a beginner every time she sings. She even confessed that she does not care if she does not sound good during a performance, it is not about the end result, there is no end result. She sings because when she sings, she feels connected to something greater than she can explain in words. And I suppose an end result for her is the joy she feels and radiates as she sings.
This same client had to face her own obstacles to get to this place. She had to recognize what it was about singing and how it showed up in her experience of it that made it possible to face and remove her own internal obstacles.
There is no room for knowledge in the creative process. It is all a risk, one that can bring absolute pleasure and joy beyond imagination. In order for that joy to become a part of your life, you have to be willing to let go of knowledge or knowing how to do something. In other words, you have to be willing to be a beginner over and over again.
If you are interested in removing some of your own obstacles and feeling creative again, you may want to work with a spiritual life coach. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if I can help you in your creative process.
Second obstacle:
• The need for knowledge, expertise, recognition, acceptance, …
The more we do something, the better we get at it. Soon we can become an expert in whatever it is that we have been practicing or doing regularly. This is how we think we become successful. Most high achieving professionals think that success is a result of being known for doing something that you are an expert in. Steve Jobs in his commencement address at Stanford University in 2005 said: “I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”
One of my clients who enjoys singing was explaining to me: “Every time I sing, it forces me to get out of my head. I have to be in the moment, I never know what will come out. No matter how much I have rehearsed, that moment with the audience listening, is all that counts. I have to be present and willing to take a chance. It sounds scary, but I love every bit of it.” She takes voice lessons and rehearses regularly and yet she is a beginner every time she sings. She even confessed that she does not care if she does not sound good during a performance, it is not about the end result, there is no end result. She sings because when she sings, she feels connected to something greater than she can explain in words. And I suppose an end result for her is the joy she feels and radiates as she sings.
This same client had to face her own obstacles to get to this place. She had to recognize what it was about singing and how it showed up in her experience of it that made it possible to face and remove her own internal obstacles.
There is no room for knowledge in the creative process. It is all a risk, one that can bring absolute pleasure and joy beyond imagination. In order for that joy to become a part of your life, you have to be willing to let go of knowledge or knowing how to do something. In other words, you have to be willing to be a beginner over and over again.
If you are interested in removing some of your own obstacles and feeling creative again, you may want to work with a spiritual life coach. Contact me for a complimentary 30 minute coaching conversation to determine if I can help you in your creative process.
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