It was a cool, crisp, but sunny day in Manhattan. I was delighted to be engaged in a lively conversation with a 27 year old cousin of mine that I had just met. Our conversation lead to an older couple we both know. He was shocked at the revelation of the wife that she was no longer in love with her husband of 50 years. He couldn’t understand how people could stay married when they were no longer in love. I smiled inside my head and was reminded of his youth with such a declaration and wondered if I would react as he was reacting to such news when I was his age.
When do we learn that falling in love with and loving someone are two different concepts and that one can exist without the other. Falling in love is just that, a fall, almost like an accident. Unknowingly you fall into something unexpected. It is exciting and fun being high on dopamine. I have fallen in love more times than I can remember. It can turn into love.
Love is a more conscious and deliberate choice. I truly can say that I love only a few people in my life and that love will not fade away and weathers all kinds of storms. Love makes you stay or leave depending on your situation. Love is clear. Love does not expect, demand, or judge. Love does not have to make sense and this is the quality it shares with “falling in love”. They are both a condition of the heart and not of the mind.
I thought about the couple who were still together despite not being in love and I recalled the wife’s answer to my cousin’s question, “We have children and grandchildren now. What is the point of leaving him now?” I wonder if she is still looking for that feeling of falling in love and wonders if it is lost to her for good. I wonder if she truly wants to end her marriage or just doesn’t feel the love anymore.
What makes two people stay together in a marriage is still a mystery to me. I coach many clients who are in what may seem like a dysfunctional marriage to many for reasons that change every week. Marriage is a legal contract and as such it is binding even after the love is gone. That is the main reason people stay married in unhappy marriages. Many are also wise enough to know that it takes two and if the relationship is not a happy one, perhaps they need to take a good look at themselves first.
All of this was running through my head as we continued walking up 5th Avenue. I smiled thinking about all that he is yet to learn and experience in life and hoped that he wouldn’t have his heart broken knowing well that it was sure to happen!
If you are in the process of re-evaluating your marriage or relationships and need help making a decision, you may want to consider spiritual life coaching. Spiritual life coaching is a process where the client is always in the driver’s seat and the coach provides a safe space for exploration. If you are interested in a 30 minute complimentary coaching conversation, please contact me.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
The Power In Silence
When my life gets super busy like it does during the holidays, the thing I miss the most is silence. By silence I don’t mean time alone. You can be alone, yet busy with your thoughts. What I have grown to appreciate a lot these days is true silence: silence from doing, silence from thoughts, silence from words and silence even from images, memories, and emotions. The silence I am writing about is similar to the one you experience after extreme exhaustion from intense physical activity, when you can’t do or think anymore.
Most of us fall into silence by accident, it is almost like the side effect of something else.
Why do we need to be surrounded by noise? Noise is evidence of life. If you are not actively participating in life, you can turn on the TV and voila, you feel like you are part of it again. The sounds of the TV, playing a video game, calling a friend, getting on the internet, checking your emails, cleaning the house, making a list, … anything is better than sitting in silence, isn’t it? If doing and thinking are evidence of living, perhaps silence is associated with dying.
Part of our discomfort with silence is the lack of purpose associated with it. You don’t go into silence with a goal other than being silent. It won’t get you a better job, do your laundry or your shopping, it won’t even help you relax, because it won’t take away your problems.
Silence is about being comfortable with you. Silence has no agenda. Silence is not a punishment, yet it can feel like one. We have been conditioned to make good use of our time, to be productive and get things done. Sitting quietly without even thinking towards something might seem useless and pointless, yet I have found it to be a powerful experience.
Silence brings you back to you. The you that you lost doing all that stuff, playing all those roles, thinking about more stuff and more people, that you is craving to be quiet just for a while. Silence is similar to the white background of the canvas or the paper before you start painting. Silence brings clarity and puts you in a place of choice.
Energetically, silence can calm you down especially if you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed. However, that is the hardest time to be able to enter silence. Your thoughts and worries always seem to creep in. I try to spend as much time in silence as I can in a day. I walk out of silence gentler, calmer, and wiser. I become less reactive and more conscious and aware of what I want. I am clearer and life truly does become easier.
Silence is not necessarily meditation. It does not have a ritual, mantras, visualizations, sounds, etc. associated with it. It is plain and simple. Silence is where people find their answers. I know this to be true in my spiritual life coaching sessions with my clients. When there is nothing left to say, we both get quiet and the answers show up. The more comfortable we are with silence, the easier it becomes. When you trust that the answer is there, it just hasn’t shown itself to you yet, you are more motivated to sit in silence.
Indeed, silence does have a purpose. Its purpose is to give you the much needed space to discover your own answers. I wish for all of you out there, a very happy holiday season, a stupendous new year and the gift of silence so you can finally hear your own voice!
Best wishes to you and yours for 2012 and beyond!
Most of us fall into silence by accident, it is almost like the side effect of something else.
Why do we need to be surrounded by noise? Noise is evidence of life. If you are not actively participating in life, you can turn on the TV and voila, you feel like you are part of it again. The sounds of the TV, playing a video game, calling a friend, getting on the internet, checking your emails, cleaning the house, making a list, … anything is better than sitting in silence, isn’t it? If doing and thinking are evidence of living, perhaps silence is associated with dying.
Part of our discomfort with silence is the lack of purpose associated with it. You don’t go into silence with a goal other than being silent. It won’t get you a better job, do your laundry or your shopping, it won’t even help you relax, because it won’t take away your problems.
Silence is about being comfortable with you. Silence has no agenda. Silence is not a punishment, yet it can feel like one. We have been conditioned to make good use of our time, to be productive and get things done. Sitting quietly without even thinking towards something might seem useless and pointless, yet I have found it to be a powerful experience.
Silence brings you back to you. The you that you lost doing all that stuff, playing all those roles, thinking about more stuff and more people, that you is craving to be quiet just for a while. Silence is similar to the white background of the canvas or the paper before you start painting. Silence brings clarity and puts you in a place of choice.
Energetically, silence can calm you down especially if you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed. However, that is the hardest time to be able to enter silence. Your thoughts and worries always seem to creep in. I try to spend as much time in silence as I can in a day. I walk out of silence gentler, calmer, and wiser. I become less reactive and more conscious and aware of what I want. I am clearer and life truly does become easier.
Silence is not necessarily meditation. It does not have a ritual, mantras, visualizations, sounds, etc. associated with it. It is plain and simple. Silence is where people find their answers. I know this to be true in my spiritual life coaching sessions with my clients. When there is nothing left to say, we both get quiet and the answers show up. The more comfortable we are with silence, the easier it becomes. When you trust that the answer is there, it just hasn’t shown itself to you yet, you are more motivated to sit in silence.
Indeed, silence does have a purpose. Its purpose is to give you the much needed space to discover your own answers. I wish for all of you out there, a very happy holiday season, a stupendous new year and the gift of silence so you can finally hear your own voice!
Best wishes to you and yours for 2012 and beyond!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
It Is Not About The Squirrel
She was concerned that her anger about what had happened would determine the outcome of her future. She could not let go of the thought that the course of her life had changed because of a decision not made by her, but by someone else. This fact made her crazy. She had done everything right, been smart, worked hard, only to find herself at the mercy of something/someone else. The powerlessness made her bitter and she could not move forward and onward with her life…
This describes the point of transition for many of my spiritual coaching clients. Whether they were just laid off from their jobs or served with divorce papers, it is the anger and bitterness that they have a hard time letting go of. The headlines running in their heads go something like: “How could this have happened to me?” “Why did I trust him?” “How can I trust again?” “What will I do now?”
A person going through a so-called involuntary transition, is focused on the event and all the details that go with it. Why, how, if only, … Thoughts and questions that begin this way, keep us focused on the event. Transitions are rarely about the event, yet when caught blind-sighted all we can do is go over and over the event and all the contained details.
Transitions are about change, a fork in the road, a sharp turn to the other direction, a new path, etc. What caused the change is like the squirrel who ran into the road and you tried to avoid, insignificant. If the squirrel hadn’t run in front of your car, you wouldn’t have changed direction, so something had to happen. That is the point of the squirrel. That’s all.
So, if you are faced with a big decision, an unwelcome change, don’t sit in analysis mode. Don’t wonder why the squirrel had to jump in front of your car. Don’t wonder if you had left later or earlier that you might have missed the squirrel. And for heaven’s sake, don’t get mad at the squirrel. All these thoughts, keep you focused on the squirrel and not the road and the journey ahead.
There is so much ahead and more squirrels yet! When we are pushed to make a change, life is inviting us to go through a different door. This can be exciting, and definitely evolving, while being extremely unsettling.
Uncertainty is the way of the transition and the sooner we embrace it, the easier it will get.
If you are in the midst of a difficult transition and are focused on the squirrel, you might consider spiritual life coaching to learn to focus on the path ahead. If you are interested in a 30 minute complimentary coaching session, contact me.
This describes the point of transition for many of my spiritual coaching clients. Whether they were just laid off from their jobs or served with divorce papers, it is the anger and bitterness that they have a hard time letting go of. The headlines running in their heads go something like: “How could this have happened to me?” “Why did I trust him?” “How can I trust again?” “What will I do now?”
A person going through a so-called involuntary transition, is focused on the event and all the details that go with it. Why, how, if only, … Thoughts and questions that begin this way, keep us focused on the event. Transitions are rarely about the event, yet when caught blind-sighted all we can do is go over and over the event and all the contained details.
Transitions are about change, a fork in the road, a sharp turn to the other direction, a new path, etc. What caused the change is like the squirrel who ran into the road and you tried to avoid, insignificant. If the squirrel hadn’t run in front of your car, you wouldn’t have changed direction, so something had to happen. That is the point of the squirrel. That’s all.
So, if you are faced with a big decision, an unwelcome change, don’t sit in analysis mode. Don’t wonder why the squirrel had to jump in front of your car. Don’t wonder if you had left later or earlier that you might have missed the squirrel. And for heaven’s sake, don’t get mad at the squirrel. All these thoughts, keep you focused on the squirrel and not the road and the journey ahead.
There is so much ahead and more squirrels yet! When we are pushed to make a change, life is inviting us to go through a different door. This can be exciting, and definitely evolving, while being extremely unsettling.
Uncertainty is the way of the transition and the sooner we embrace it, the easier it will get.
If you are in the midst of a difficult transition and are focused on the squirrel, you might consider spiritual life coaching to learn to focus on the path ahead. If you are interested in a 30 minute complimentary coaching session, contact me.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Imitations Are Never As Good
I was listening to my favorite vocal artist singing someone else’s song, only I did not know that it was someone else’s song. At first, I thought that perhaps he was making a change from his own style. Two minutes into the song it was clear that he sounded like someone else and that he was indeed trying to sound like someone else. That’s when I realized what was going on. I couldn’t finish listening to the song, it sounded awful to me. In fact, his amazing baritone voice sounded weak and washed out.
I realized later that it is the same when we try to imitate others. In that moment of imitation we lose ourselves. When we are speaking our truth, being ourselves, even if someone does not like us, they don’t like us and not the person we are trying to be. There is power in authenticity. There is strength in our voices when we speak our own words in our own voice. I am not talking about opinions, beliefs, or even the end product of what we are creating, but the voice in which we speak them.
When you try to sound like someone else, you sound like no one at all. Your voice is washed out and dull. Part of that I think is due to not knowing what it is all about. How can one artist know exactly what the one they are imitating was thinking, seeing, or feeling in the moment of their expression. At best, they can guess at it, and that guessing or assumption is the wash out.
Knowing what someone has experienced requires that you have experienced it too. That does happen, and when it does, your voice can be as authentic as the person before you who went through the same experience. That’s when we connect with a song, story, or a person. In fact, there is nothing quite as amazing as when we connect with each other through similar experiences. We understand the pain or the pleasure someone is describing because we have gone through it. You can be compassionate without having gone through the same experience, but you cannot express the same emotions as someone else, unless you have gone through the same experience.
My most challenging spiritual life coaching sessions are with clients who describe an experience very similar to what I have experienced. It is like looking at a picture and finding out that it was a mirror instead. Those sessions are hard, because I try extra hard to not project my own stuff on to the client.
In order for the client to have an authentic experience they need to stay detangled from the coach’s story. These are special sessions where you can practice good coaching skills by asking questions and never making any assumptions. In fact, when done right, it is as if you have two originals in the room. There may be similarities in the art work, but they are each distinct and brilliant on their own.
If you feel washed out or unoriginal, perhaps you are imitating or hiding under someone else’s image or experience. I invite you to step out of the habit or need to imitate anyone other than yourself. There is power and magic when you step into your own. People will suddenly want to listen to you and won’t know why. If you want to leave a good impression, be yourself. If you don’t know how to do that, then make it your business to learn how.
Spiritual life coaching is about the business of finding your own true voice and expressing it at all times. If you’d like to learn if spiritual life coaching is for you, contact me for a 30 minute complimentary session.
I realized later that it is the same when we try to imitate others. In that moment of imitation we lose ourselves. When we are speaking our truth, being ourselves, even if someone does not like us, they don’t like us and not the person we are trying to be. There is power in authenticity. There is strength in our voices when we speak our own words in our own voice. I am not talking about opinions, beliefs, or even the end product of what we are creating, but the voice in which we speak them.
When you try to sound like someone else, you sound like no one at all. Your voice is washed out and dull. Part of that I think is due to not knowing what it is all about. How can one artist know exactly what the one they are imitating was thinking, seeing, or feeling in the moment of their expression. At best, they can guess at it, and that guessing or assumption is the wash out.
Knowing what someone has experienced requires that you have experienced it too. That does happen, and when it does, your voice can be as authentic as the person before you who went through the same experience. That’s when we connect with a song, story, or a person. In fact, there is nothing quite as amazing as when we connect with each other through similar experiences. We understand the pain or the pleasure someone is describing because we have gone through it. You can be compassionate without having gone through the same experience, but you cannot express the same emotions as someone else, unless you have gone through the same experience.
My most challenging spiritual life coaching sessions are with clients who describe an experience very similar to what I have experienced. It is like looking at a picture and finding out that it was a mirror instead. Those sessions are hard, because I try extra hard to not project my own stuff on to the client.
In order for the client to have an authentic experience they need to stay detangled from the coach’s story. These are special sessions where you can practice good coaching skills by asking questions and never making any assumptions. In fact, when done right, it is as if you have two originals in the room. There may be similarities in the art work, but they are each distinct and brilliant on their own.
If you feel washed out or unoriginal, perhaps you are imitating or hiding under someone else’s image or experience. I invite you to step out of the habit or need to imitate anyone other than yourself. There is power and magic when you step into your own. People will suddenly want to listen to you and won’t know why. If you want to leave a good impression, be yourself. If you don’t know how to do that, then make it your business to learn how.
Spiritual life coaching is about the business of finding your own true voice and expressing it at all times. If you’d like to learn if spiritual life coaching is for you, contact me for a 30 minute complimentary session.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Where Are You Trapped?
She was uncomfortable, restless, trapped like an animal in a cage. She couldn’t get out, she couldn’t help herself. She knew this feeling, but she didn’t know exactly when or why or how. All she knew was that she hated it. She had to get away. She was afraid she would get stuck and never get out. She couldn’t think like that, she couldn’t give up. And then just like that, she woke up from the dream. She was relieved that it was only a dream, even though, the emotions were so real. She recognized them, but did not know from where. They were familiar…
Sometimes events can stir up old reactions or feelings. If they are negative or painful, we have a hard time remembering what they are associated with. If it is extremely difficult, then we don’t even want to remember where they might be coming from. However, in order to be able to have some degree of control (i.e., recognize so that if it happens again you can choose how to act instead of reacting from an old perspective), you need to go investigate what it is all about.
I find myself doing a lot of investigative work with my spiritual coaching clients. We set out to find where something is coming from before we decide what to do with it, if anything at all. Some clients don’t want to find it, because they are afraid of what they might find. Some claim they know what is there, but they don’t know how to let it go. What both types of clients have in common is identification with either the fear as in the case of the first example, or identification with “not knowing how to …”.
In fact, identification is the source of most of our problems. We identify with the position that we can’t do, don’t know how to do, or are afraid of doing X, Y, or Z. We repeat the reasons for the position over and over again in our heads and we believe the story. We convince ourselves of our opinion and then repeat it to whomever dares to try to help us.
Identification is like cement or a cinder block chained to our ankles. It gets us stuck. First we complain about being stuck, and soon it becomes an excuse for not being stuck. In a way, we get comfortable with our position. It’s like falling asleep in a funny position in bed, but being too tired to move. Even though, you know that you will get a cramped neck in the morning, you don’t have the strength to reposition yourself because you are in a deep sleep. Getting stuck in our identifications is like being stuck in a deep sleep. We know what we are doing is unhealthy, but we can’t get out.
One way to break that spell is to ask yourself: “what do I want?” Even in the depths of sleep, when I ask myself, “what do I really want?” and if I stay awake enough for the answer, I know I have to move. Asking ourselves repeatedly: “what do I really want?” brings us to the point of choice. It for a brief moment unglues us from the identification with the problem. It reminds us that we are not set in the same outcome. We have a choice.
So, I ask my spiritual life coaching clients over and over again: “what do you want?” Some answer the question, but then jump into “…but I can’t…” and then we go back to the beginning. This is how you get unstuck, by going back to the beginning. You might have to do it more than once. You might have to do it again when the problems shows up in a different form. It is a great place to start.
Questions to Ponder:
(1) What is one issue or problem that keeps on repeating itself in your life?
(2) Where and how do you get stuck?
(3) What do you really want?
If you would like to further explore these issues with a spiritual life coach, please contact me for a complimentary 30 minute consultation to determine if spiritual life coaching is for you.
Sometimes events can stir up old reactions or feelings. If they are negative or painful, we have a hard time remembering what they are associated with. If it is extremely difficult, then we don’t even want to remember where they might be coming from. However, in order to be able to have some degree of control (i.e., recognize so that if it happens again you can choose how to act instead of reacting from an old perspective), you need to go investigate what it is all about.
I find myself doing a lot of investigative work with my spiritual coaching clients. We set out to find where something is coming from before we decide what to do with it, if anything at all. Some clients don’t want to find it, because they are afraid of what they might find. Some claim they know what is there, but they don’t know how to let it go. What both types of clients have in common is identification with either the fear as in the case of the first example, or identification with “not knowing how to …”.
In fact, identification is the source of most of our problems. We identify with the position that we can’t do, don’t know how to do, or are afraid of doing X, Y, or Z. We repeat the reasons for the position over and over again in our heads and we believe the story. We convince ourselves of our opinion and then repeat it to whomever dares to try to help us.
Identification is like cement or a cinder block chained to our ankles. It gets us stuck. First we complain about being stuck, and soon it becomes an excuse for not being stuck. In a way, we get comfortable with our position. It’s like falling asleep in a funny position in bed, but being too tired to move. Even though, you know that you will get a cramped neck in the morning, you don’t have the strength to reposition yourself because you are in a deep sleep. Getting stuck in our identifications is like being stuck in a deep sleep. We know what we are doing is unhealthy, but we can’t get out.
One way to break that spell is to ask yourself: “what do I want?” Even in the depths of sleep, when I ask myself, “what do I really want?” and if I stay awake enough for the answer, I know I have to move. Asking ourselves repeatedly: “what do I really want?” brings us to the point of choice. It for a brief moment unglues us from the identification with the problem. It reminds us that we are not set in the same outcome. We have a choice.
So, I ask my spiritual life coaching clients over and over again: “what do you want?” Some answer the question, but then jump into “…but I can’t…” and then we go back to the beginning. This is how you get unstuck, by going back to the beginning. You might have to do it more than once. You might have to do it again when the problems shows up in a different form. It is a great place to start.
Questions to Ponder:
(1) What is one issue or problem that keeps on repeating itself in your life?
(2) Where and how do you get stuck?
(3) What do you really want?
If you would like to further explore these issues with a spiritual life coach, please contact me for a complimentary 30 minute consultation to determine if spiritual life coaching is for you.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Copious Curiosity
It was one of those crazy busy days where I had many back to back appointments. Unlike the way I used to be, I had not thought about who was coming and what they might need to be coached on. In other words, I knew where I had to be, who I had to see, but I had not processed, or analyzed what it all meant. I knew client X was coming at 9 AM and one hour and 15 minutes later, I had to coach client Y, but I was not trying to remember or predict what they might want to be coached on. This was in part due to a conscious effort on my part to be copiously curious as my mentor coach would put it. And I have learned that if I study or review a client’s past coaching session, then I am expecting it to go a certain way and then I’ve lost my curiosity.
The day continued on the same way it had started, with lots of curiosity and hustle. My evening appointment was with my children at the pediatrician’s office for their annual flu shots. I had not processed that my daughter usually hates getting shots and sometimes even gets a little hysterical. It was as if I had forgotten how stressful this appointment could be. Well, to my surprise, she hopped on the examination table and pulled up her sleeve and took the shot without any drama at all! Right after she hopped back down and put on her sweater, I realized what had happened.
She had changed her story. Driving back home, I was reminded of my coaching sessions during the day. In fact, all my clients had managed to surprise me. None of the sessions had gone on in an orderly fashion, they had been slightly unpredictable and a bit messy. Yet, I had enjoyed them because they had pushed me into directions I had not gone before. This is not that uncommon in a coaching session, because no matter how well you think you know your client, you couldn’t possibly know them as well as you think.
At the pediatrician’s office I realized the same thing about my daughter. What I thought I knew about her was just a prediction based on past behavior. In a coaching session, the coach allows the client to change their story. That’s how coaching works, you are in a space where you can change your story. With practice, I am learning to apply the same principles in my own life and in the more intimate relationships which I think I know so much about!
Copious curiosity in coaching works by dissolving the bars of the prisons that our clients have created from their stories. When you are in the presence of someone as if for the first time, listening with your whole being and being present without judgment, expectation, or the need to fit into any theories, past behaviors, or projecting your own story upon them, magic happens! The client is now free to change their story.
This is one of the reasons why I refer to myself as a spiritual life coach. What happens in a session when the coach has been copiously curious, is not logical or rational. It is outside the realms of mental understanding. It is what I call a spiritual experience!
If you are interested in working with a spiritual life coach, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute spiritual coaching conversation.
The day continued on the same way it had started, with lots of curiosity and hustle. My evening appointment was with my children at the pediatrician’s office for their annual flu shots. I had not processed that my daughter usually hates getting shots and sometimes even gets a little hysterical. It was as if I had forgotten how stressful this appointment could be. Well, to my surprise, she hopped on the examination table and pulled up her sleeve and took the shot without any drama at all! Right after she hopped back down and put on her sweater, I realized what had happened.
She had changed her story. Driving back home, I was reminded of my coaching sessions during the day. In fact, all my clients had managed to surprise me. None of the sessions had gone on in an orderly fashion, they had been slightly unpredictable and a bit messy. Yet, I had enjoyed them because they had pushed me into directions I had not gone before. This is not that uncommon in a coaching session, because no matter how well you think you know your client, you couldn’t possibly know them as well as you think.
At the pediatrician’s office I realized the same thing about my daughter. What I thought I knew about her was just a prediction based on past behavior. In a coaching session, the coach allows the client to change their story. That’s how coaching works, you are in a space where you can change your story. With practice, I am learning to apply the same principles in my own life and in the more intimate relationships which I think I know so much about!
Copious curiosity in coaching works by dissolving the bars of the prisons that our clients have created from their stories. When you are in the presence of someone as if for the first time, listening with your whole being and being present without judgment, expectation, or the need to fit into any theories, past behaviors, or projecting your own story upon them, magic happens! The client is now free to change their story.
This is one of the reasons why I refer to myself as a spiritual life coach. What happens in a session when the coach has been copiously curious, is not logical or rational. It is outside the realms of mental understanding. It is what I call a spiritual experience!
If you are interested in working with a spiritual life coach, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute spiritual coaching conversation.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Wakeup Call
Talking to my colleagues who are psychologists and counselors, we are of the general understanding that it takes a bus to get most of us to start asking the deeper questions in life. Unless you’ve been hit by the proverbial bus (you jumped in front of it not knowing what you were doing, by accident, or someone pushed you) most of us do not care about questions that ponder the deeper meaning of life.
We start our adult lives getting educated, finding a good job, starting a family, and following a predictable trajectory. Even though, we hear of others whose lives did not follow the predictable path, we hope or pray that we are not one of those people. What’s happening in the world today is all about a change in that trajectory. Whether it is the economy, changes on the planet (dramatic weather or natural disasters), or political upheavals, little is predictable these days. Add to that the normal outliers (being fired, getting a divorce, serious health issues, family troubles, money problems, or a general dissatisfaction with the quality of your life) and what you have, is a bit of lingering chaos.
As therapists, psychologists, social workers, and spiritual life coaches we spend a lot of time listening to our clients talking about the “bus”. An entire session could be about how they didn’t see the bus coming, how unfair it was that they got thrown under the bus, how it feels being slowly crushed under the bus, how their bus is bigger than their sister’s bus, or even, how no one told them about the bus, … In other words, we hear a lot about the bus, point of contact, and the tragedy of it all.
Once we get past the “bus”, then we can start the real work and ask the deeper questions. What are the deeper questions you may ask. The deeper questions include: what do I want now? What are my choices? What beliefs need to change for me to accomplish what I want? The answers to these questions take us to the core of our selves, so we can better understand and even redefine who we are, and ultimately let go of the bus incident.
When clients start their personal development work, slowly they realize that there was no accident, or tragedy and in fact what felt and looked like a bus was just an illusion or maybe an opportunity to start peeling the onion of their lives. When sleeping in a deep slumber, we need something to wake us up. The bus in our story was just a wakeup call. When you look at your job and/or relationship, health, or any other kind of loss as a noisy alarm clock going off, staying mad at what happened is like being mad at the alarm clock throughout the day, so much so that, you can’t engage in what is happening because you are still holding a grudge against the alarm clock!
So, if your alarm clock is going off or you just got hit by the bus, the good news is, it is time to wake up! If you need help waking up or support in the way you want to be when you do wake up, please contact me for a spiritual life coaching consultation.
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