Whenever I am presented with an insurmountable issue by one of my clients, I like to observe the world around me and see if I recognize the same issue or pattern elsewhere. Two of the most common issues my clients want to be coached on, are being stuck and lack of abundance of opportunities. I know that we all get stuck from time to time and can’t see what is available to us or feel uncreative and hence can’t produce anything to get us out of where we are stuck. However, when life deals us a bad hand, some people have an excruciatingly difficult time getting out of their negative tendencies and so, sink deeper and deeper into the muck.
I’ve identified at least two categories in which we can get lost in. These categories are extreme cases which in a healthy mental state we can go in and come out of. Some can’t get out for many reasons and that is not the topic of this post. I wanted to invite you to take a look at yourself and how you might fall into one or both of these categories from time to time.
Over-givers: They tend to be women, mothers, multi-taskers and very good at many things. In fact, many keep on giving even when there is nothing left to give. What do they give when it is all gone? They give away their frustrations, compulsions, stress, anxiety, worries, you name it, they dish it out and there is an endless supply of these. They mean well, they just don’t know how to stop themselves. It’s as if giving is programmed into their DNA, and they can’t stop. It has nothing to do with the quality or even the content of what they are giving, they are caught up in the act and they keep at it.
Many over-givers have control issues. They tend to choke off the life force in the receiver of their giving. They also tend to blame everyone who isn’t happy or cooperative about receiving what they are shoving their way.
Non-receivers: The non-receivers won’t accept anything from anyone. Many of the over givers are non-receivers too. Some non-receivers on the other hand, aren’t interested in giving or receiving. They are like a closed fist that does not know how to open up and hold or receive. Everything is impossible, irrelevant, unrealistic, impractical, useless or a waste of time to them. These beliefs keep the fist closed and serve their negative mental state.
The non-receivers are stiff and not easily humored. They cannot laugh at themselves, they are angry at the world. They believe they are smart and not easily fooled like those other happy, gullible people they despise or envy. Non-receivers cannot engage in any positive activities or conversations that challenge their position. Challenging a non-receiver requires them to open up their fists and they can’t do that and remain a non-receiver at the same time. It challenges their whole identity.
The over-givers are non-receivers for the most part. They cannot receive because most of the time they are in their giving mode, and receiving would mess up with their giving function. However, if and when they want something specific to be delivered in a specific way by a specific person, and it happens, then they will receive! That however, rarely happens, so they keep on giving.
We all fall into one or both of these categories from time to time and about certain things and with certain people. Like anxiety, a little bit of it is a good thing. It stretches you. However, when done over and over again, it becomes part of your personality and not only is it hard to get out of, it is hard to be around.
Do you find yourself falling into one or both of these categories at any time or with certain people or situations? Are you stuck and can’t get away from your thinking patterns? When stressed, what happens to your giving and receiving tendencies?
If you would like to further explore these concepts and how they may be contributing to your level of dissatisfaction with life, please contact me for a complimentary 30 minute session to determine if spiritual life coaching is what you might be interested in.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Spiritual Coaching II (Positive vs. Negative Transitions)
I work with people who are going through all kinds of change. Transition is how you manage change. As such I coach people who perceive their change as a negative one and hence, their transition becomes negative too. The bulk of the work is about looking at what may have seemed like a negative transition (e.g., loss of a job, divorce) and dealing with it in a realistic way. Being real is key to making it through any transition. Reality includes negative and positive beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and all kinds of fears (rational or not).
When people use their so-called negative transition to explore the potentials hidden in the chaos or disorganization of their world, they become more comfortable with uncertainty and start seeing and experiencing creativity, non-linearity, and what may even seem like magic. At this stage, there is no longer a feeling of dread even when they have to meet their divorce attorney to go over child support payments for example. This is what I mean be keeping it real.
During a transition period, control and certainty have been replaced by chaos and uncertainty. The good news is that anything can happen during chaos as long as you are ok with the fact that uncertainty will make sure you won’t know what is going to happen and how it happens. Yes, the road to empowerment involves dismantling of the old you which means giving up the fake sense of power that you may have had. When life works according to the old rules handed down by our parents, teachers, schools, jobs, bosses, and the media, we feel powerful. We feel like we have figured it all out and we are smart and empowered. It’s only when things don’t quite work out according to our expectations, that we feel betrayed and disempowered.
True power however, is not something that anyone or anything can take away from you. Real empowerment comes when you get to know the real you. The real you is the integrated you: the good, the bad, and even the ugly. When all those pieces come together and when you accept all of them as the real you, then you are empowered. As long as you are rejecting any part of you, you are going to be rejected.
With real empowerment, there is no need to label life’s bumps and bruises as positive or negative. It is just a part of life. You may not like it, but you know that you will come through it. As a spiritual life coach who helps people going through difficult transitions, this is where I like to help my clients get to, the place of full acceptance of whatever is or is not happening. This can be done without resistance when you know who you are, what is important to you (your values), what your choices are, how to take care of yourself and who can support you.
Questions to Ponder:
1) Are you going through a difficult transition?
2) Is it negative or positive, and what makes it so?
3) What needs to change in order for you to have a more positive experience?
If you are going through a difficult transition and would like to work with a spiritual life coach, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute conversation to determine if I can help you through your journey.
When people use their so-called negative transition to explore the potentials hidden in the chaos or disorganization of their world, they become more comfortable with uncertainty and start seeing and experiencing creativity, non-linearity, and what may even seem like magic. At this stage, there is no longer a feeling of dread even when they have to meet their divorce attorney to go over child support payments for example. This is what I mean be keeping it real.
During a transition period, control and certainty have been replaced by chaos and uncertainty. The good news is that anything can happen during chaos as long as you are ok with the fact that uncertainty will make sure you won’t know what is going to happen and how it happens. Yes, the road to empowerment involves dismantling of the old you which means giving up the fake sense of power that you may have had. When life works according to the old rules handed down by our parents, teachers, schools, jobs, bosses, and the media, we feel powerful. We feel like we have figured it all out and we are smart and empowered. It’s only when things don’t quite work out according to our expectations, that we feel betrayed and disempowered.
True power however, is not something that anyone or anything can take away from you. Real empowerment comes when you get to know the real you. The real you is the integrated you: the good, the bad, and even the ugly. When all those pieces come together and when you accept all of them as the real you, then you are empowered. As long as you are rejecting any part of you, you are going to be rejected.
With real empowerment, there is no need to label life’s bumps and bruises as positive or negative. It is just a part of life. You may not like it, but you know that you will come through it. As a spiritual life coach who helps people going through difficult transitions, this is where I like to help my clients get to, the place of full acceptance of whatever is or is not happening. This can be done without resistance when you know who you are, what is important to you (your values), what your choices are, how to take care of yourself and who can support you.
Questions to Ponder:
1) Are you going through a difficult transition?
2) Is it negative or positive, and what makes it so?
3) What needs to change in order for you to have a more positive experience?
If you are going through a difficult transition and would like to work with a spiritual life coach, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute conversation to determine if I can help you through your journey.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Spiritual Coaching I
As a spiritual life coach, I belong to a few groups on LinkedIn and the recent discussions have been around spiritual coaching and core competencies. I am excited by the fact that we are openly and courageously bringing the word “spiritual” into serious coaching conversations and deeper yet, trying to define the core competencies that would be related to it.
Today, I’d like to write about “coaching presence” or the first coaching competency as defined by the ICF (International Coach Federation): sees many ways to work with the client, and chooses in the moment what is most effective.
When I work with my clients who happen to be professional women in the corporate world, the word spiritual is not something that I loosely throw around. I am careful with my words, extremely careful, and so, I usually don’t use words that my clients are either not familiar with or might be uncomfortable around. I believe, that if I have to define it, it is probably not worth using. I rarely use the word spiritual and yet, I consider most of the work I do to be spiritual. It is spiritual because it is not about the words, the mind, or the emotions that are the result of an over worked mind.
I always assess where the client is at the moment, not yesterday, last session, or where I hope they are based on what they said last time. The coach has to be present and in the now for coaching to work. In order to facilitate the coaching presence, the coach has to be present in the now moment. This is a spiritual concept, because in order to truly be in the now, you have to let go of what happened, your judgments, your hopes, your analyses, the notes you took from last time, your ego, what you want to accomplish, your need to feel important …
You have to let go of it all, in order to be present. You have to be an empty vessel for the client to feel confident with you to empty her vessel. During the client’s emptying is when learning happens. In those sacred moments all that is there, is an empty space.
That is coaching presence as I practice and understand it to be, and this is a spiritual exchange or connection. Stripped from our egos, minds, thoughts, judgments, analyses, other people’s words, fears, beliefs, we are free to recognize what we already know.
So, yes, the core competency of coaching presence is indeed addressed during an effective spiritual life coaching session.
Questions to Ponder:
1) How present are you on average?
2) Can you relate your “presence” to your level of satisfaction with life?
If you are interested in spiritual life coaching, please contact me for a complimentary 30 minute session.
Today, I’d like to write about “coaching presence” or the first coaching competency as defined by the ICF (International Coach Federation): sees many ways to work with the client, and chooses in the moment what is most effective.
When I work with my clients who happen to be professional women in the corporate world, the word spiritual is not something that I loosely throw around. I am careful with my words, extremely careful, and so, I usually don’t use words that my clients are either not familiar with or might be uncomfortable around. I believe, that if I have to define it, it is probably not worth using. I rarely use the word spiritual and yet, I consider most of the work I do to be spiritual. It is spiritual because it is not about the words, the mind, or the emotions that are the result of an over worked mind.
I always assess where the client is at the moment, not yesterday, last session, or where I hope they are based on what they said last time. The coach has to be present and in the now for coaching to work. In order to facilitate the coaching presence, the coach has to be present in the now moment. This is a spiritual concept, because in order to truly be in the now, you have to let go of what happened, your judgments, your hopes, your analyses, the notes you took from last time, your ego, what you want to accomplish, your need to feel important …
You have to let go of it all, in order to be present. You have to be an empty vessel for the client to feel confident with you to empty her vessel. During the client’s emptying is when learning happens. In those sacred moments all that is there, is an empty space.
That is coaching presence as I practice and understand it to be, and this is a spiritual exchange or connection. Stripped from our egos, minds, thoughts, judgments, analyses, other people’s words, fears, beliefs, we are free to recognize what we already know.
So, yes, the core competency of coaching presence is indeed addressed during an effective spiritual life coaching session.
Questions to Ponder:
1) How present are you on average?
2) Can you relate your “presence” to your level of satisfaction with life?
If you are interested in spiritual life coaching, please contact me for a complimentary 30 minute session.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Disconnect
It was one of those mornings. I needed to get to my e-mails and was having an internet connectivity problem. After sitting through the robotic instructions of my internet provider’s automated service, I was told to turn my computer off, reset the modem and disconnect the wireless router. Then I was told to wait for at least 20 seconds before re-connecting and turning everything back on. The pleasant, yet robotic voice then graciously said goodbye and asked me to call back if I still had problems with my internet connection.
Since I had done all the things she had suggested before I called in, but not all of it together and I had not waited for at least 20 seconds, I decided to wait longer than that with everything shut down and disconnected.
I then decided to disconnect myself. I went outside and sat on my patio steps and took a few deep breaths. It felt really good, not having anything to do. I even stopped thinking and was able to shut off the rambling voices and disjointed thoughts and images in my head. I started focusing on my breathing, listening to the birds and felt the breeze against my skin. It felt wonderful. I was beginning to feel rejuvenated.
I realized how busy I had been for the past two months. Summer gets that way. The days are broken up: I have a tight coaching schedule, and a book that is being edited and needs to be published, there never seems to be enough time to just sit and breathe. I know for me and probably everyone else out there, conscious breathing while doing nothing is not what we allow ourselves to do on a regular basis.
I am not talking about meditating, or sleeping. We all walk away from our computers and when we sleep at night, the computer is shut down and sleeps too. Yet, it still needs to be disconnected. We too need to be disconnected from time to time. I knew the benefits of disconnecting for me, but I didn’t realize how just like the computer, if I don’t disconnect regularly, I might stop functioning. I stayed with that thought and gave myself full permission to sit outside just a bit longer.
Questions to Ponder:
1) What does it mean to you to be disconnected and do you do it voluntarily?
2) What are the benefits of disconnecting to you?
If you would like to work on disconnecting and learning how to be more effective when connected, you may want to work with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching can teach you tools and skills that you can consistently use as needed. If you would like to work with me, but are not sure, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute consultation.
Since I had done all the things she had suggested before I called in, but not all of it together and I had not waited for at least 20 seconds, I decided to wait longer than that with everything shut down and disconnected.
I then decided to disconnect myself. I went outside and sat on my patio steps and took a few deep breaths. It felt really good, not having anything to do. I even stopped thinking and was able to shut off the rambling voices and disjointed thoughts and images in my head. I started focusing on my breathing, listening to the birds and felt the breeze against my skin. It felt wonderful. I was beginning to feel rejuvenated.
I realized how busy I had been for the past two months. Summer gets that way. The days are broken up: I have a tight coaching schedule, and a book that is being edited and needs to be published, there never seems to be enough time to just sit and breathe. I know for me and probably everyone else out there, conscious breathing while doing nothing is not what we allow ourselves to do on a regular basis.
I am not talking about meditating, or sleeping. We all walk away from our computers and when we sleep at night, the computer is shut down and sleeps too. Yet, it still needs to be disconnected. We too need to be disconnected from time to time. I knew the benefits of disconnecting for me, but I didn’t realize how just like the computer, if I don’t disconnect regularly, I might stop functioning. I stayed with that thought and gave myself full permission to sit outside just a bit longer.
Questions to Ponder:
1) What does it mean to you to be disconnected and do you do it voluntarily?
2) What are the benefits of disconnecting to you?
If you would like to work on disconnecting and learning how to be more effective when connected, you may want to work with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching can teach you tools and skills that you can consistently use as needed. If you would like to work with me, but are not sure, contact me for a complimentary 30 minute consultation.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
What's Polluting You?
It’s not noon yet and I feel like a land fill already. I started out fresh and my morning meditation cleared the slate for a brand new day. What happened between then and now?
Life happened I guess. The regular wears and tears of living just got to me. Actually, they didn’t really get to me, I just happened to notice them today.
Here is a list of my pollutants du jour (so far):
1. News of yet another sex scandal on TV
2. Bottle caps and plastic bottles on my walking trail
3. The garbage truck’s noise
4. My daughter’s emotional meltdown about something ridiculous
5. Beating myself up over not working out this morning
6. Thoughts about the appointment I have later on that I don’t want to keep
7. E-mails that I can’t keep up with
8. Feeling like there is something important I’ve forgotten to do (and it’s not the work out)
9. Annoyed at the over whelming fragrance of the bug spray I sprayed on myself before going out for my walk
10. Thoughts of what to make for dinner tonight
Once you stop and become mindful of all the pollutants in your life, it can get scary. If it does not scare you, it can certainly stress you or cause a certain degree of anxiety, so that by 5 PM after a good day’s work, you are ready to unleash at the first guy who cuts you off in rush hour traffic. And it hasn’t even been a really bad day.
A client once asked me, “So what do I do with all of the pollutants?” Some of them may need to be taken care of, but most are just a byproduct of life. In fact, sometimes when we over-analyze something, it becomes more of a problem. Usually, it is just about noticing and letting go. The noticing is important, because it makes you conscious and aware, so you can then take care of yourself. When you know you are annoyed, It is your responsibility to take care of your condition. The taking care of might just be about taking a few deep breaths, lightening up, and letting go.
The reason why we get so uptight is because we either want to take responsibility for what is not ours, we have already taken responsibility for what is not ours, or we want someone else to take responsibility for what is not theirs. The pollutants in our life are here to remind us that we are not the handyman of the universe, armed with our tool belts ready to go into fix it mode at the drop of a hat. We are certainly not the high school principal or prison guard watching and waiting for someone to go out of line, so we can correct them or put them in place either.
In fact, situations always somehow resolve themselves without our interference. So, the next time you feel inclined to react to a pollutant, remember that it is just a pollutant, something that does not require much thought or emotional distress. Living is about bumping into things and sometimes even falling down and breaking a few bones.
Don’t lose sight of what really matters when you are agitated or hurt by your bump. It’s just a pesky bump. It’s a reminder that you are alive and a human.
Questions to Ponder:
1) What are some of your pollutants?
2) How do you decide what is just a pollutant and what really needs your attention?
3) How do you recharge and clean your slate?
If you would like to learn how to manage your pollutants, you might want to work with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching can teach you how to recharge, gain clarity, and stay peaceful when life is throwing all kinds of things at you. If you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute life coaching consultation, please contact me.
Life happened I guess. The regular wears and tears of living just got to me. Actually, they didn’t really get to me, I just happened to notice them today.
Here is a list of my pollutants du jour (so far):
1. News of yet another sex scandal on TV
2. Bottle caps and plastic bottles on my walking trail
3. The garbage truck’s noise
4. My daughter’s emotional meltdown about something ridiculous
5. Beating myself up over not working out this morning
6. Thoughts about the appointment I have later on that I don’t want to keep
7. E-mails that I can’t keep up with
8. Feeling like there is something important I’ve forgotten to do (and it’s not the work out)
9. Annoyed at the over whelming fragrance of the bug spray I sprayed on myself before going out for my walk
10. Thoughts of what to make for dinner tonight
Once you stop and become mindful of all the pollutants in your life, it can get scary. If it does not scare you, it can certainly stress you or cause a certain degree of anxiety, so that by 5 PM after a good day’s work, you are ready to unleash at the first guy who cuts you off in rush hour traffic. And it hasn’t even been a really bad day.
A client once asked me, “So what do I do with all of the pollutants?” Some of them may need to be taken care of, but most are just a byproduct of life. In fact, sometimes when we over-analyze something, it becomes more of a problem. Usually, it is just about noticing and letting go. The noticing is important, because it makes you conscious and aware, so you can then take care of yourself. When you know you are annoyed, It is your responsibility to take care of your condition. The taking care of might just be about taking a few deep breaths, lightening up, and letting go.
The reason why we get so uptight is because we either want to take responsibility for what is not ours, we have already taken responsibility for what is not ours, or we want someone else to take responsibility for what is not theirs. The pollutants in our life are here to remind us that we are not the handyman of the universe, armed with our tool belts ready to go into fix it mode at the drop of a hat. We are certainly not the high school principal or prison guard watching and waiting for someone to go out of line, so we can correct them or put them in place either.
In fact, situations always somehow resolve themselves without our interference. So, the next time you feel inclined to react to a pollutant, remember that it is just a pollutant, something that does not require much thought or emotional distress. Living is about bumping into things and sometimes even falling down and breaking a few bones.
Don’t lose sight of what really matters when you are agitated or hurt by your bump. It’s just a pesky bump. It’s a reminder that you are alive and a human.
Questions to Ponder:
1) What are some of your pollutants?
2) How do you decide what is just a pollutant and what really needs your attention?
3) How do you recharge and clean your slate?
If you would like to learn how to manage your pollutants, you might want to work with a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching can teach you how to recharge, gain clarity, and stay peaceful when life is throwing all kinds of things at you. If you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute life coaching consultation, please contact me.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Peace
She told me she wanted peace. She was tired of the fighting, the drama, and the tears. She was clear on what she did not want. When asked if she wanted harmony, calm, or joy, she chose calm. She couldn’t imagine harmony and joy because her life had been devoid of them for as long as she could remember. Calm to her meant, absence of ups and downs. In other words, she was choosing the middle ground.
That was then.
She has finally found the peace she was looking for. When I asked her what it felt like, she explained that nothing had changed in her outer life. The same situations showed up as often as before. She wasn’t aroused or annoyed by them anymore. She didn’t fall into her old coping mechanisms either. She stayed in the moment without any expectations. She didn’t know how each situation would end or how she herself would react. She had no plans and just stayed with whatever was aggravating her. Eventually, the aggravation would move on and in its place was peace.
This peace to her was more valuable than any certificate or award. This peace brought a sense of deep wisdom that no one and nothing could take away. When asked if it was the middle ground we had discussed earlier, she said, no. It wasn’t the middle point. It was the whole. Her peace included the highs and the lows, and everything in between. Her peace was all inclusive. When she stopped labeling and categorizing, defending and attacking, justifying and rationalizing is when she found peace. She got there without knowing she had gotten there. There was no separation or exclusion.
Peace is about inclusion of all that is without labeling and judging. She was at peace and I was honored to have shared her journey.
Questions to Ponder:
1) Are you longing for peace in your life?
2) Have you been struggling with the highs and lows and drama?
3) What does peace mean to you?
If you would like to experience peace more and more in your life, it might be time to consult a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching is about learning to let go of all that does not serve you anymore. A coach can help you identify what is and isn’t serving you and the tools to learn to let go. If you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute consultation, contact me.
That was then.
She has finally found the peace she was looking for. When I asked her what it felt like, she explained that nothing had changed in her outer life. The same situations showed up as often as before. She wasn’t aroused or annoyed by them anymore. She didn’t fall into her old coping mechanisms either. She stayed in the moment without any expectations. She didn’t know how each situation would end or how she herself would react. She had no plans and just stayed with whatever was aggravating her. Eventually, the aggravation would move on and in its place was peace.
This peace to her was more valuable than any certificate or award. This peace brought a sense of deep wisdom that no one and nothing could take away. When asked if it was the middle ground we had discussed earlier, she said, no. It wasn’t the middle point. It was the whole. Her peace included the highs and the lows, and everything in between. Her peace was all inclusive. When she stopped labeling and categorizing, defending and attacking, justifying and rationalizing is when she found peace. She got there without knowing she had gotten there. There was no separation or exclusion.
Peace is about inclusion of all that is without labeling and judging. She was at peace and I was honored to have shared her journey.
Questions to Ponder:
1) Are you longing for peace in your life?
2) Have you been struggling with the highs and lows and drama?
3) What does peace mean to you?
If you would like to experience peace more and more in your life, it might be time to consult a spiritual life coach. Spiritual life coaching is about learning to let go of all that does not serve you anymore. A coach can help you identify what is and isn’t serving you and the tools to learn to let go. If you are interested in a complimentary 30 minute consultation, contact me.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Guilt
I’ve heard guilt brought up in a humorous manner in many conversations. Some even treat it as a badge of honor, in other words, it is good if they feel guilty about something. It somehow makes them a better person to feel a certain degree of shame. In my experience, guilt is the most toxic and self-destructive of all the negative emotions. The moment you start your self-talk with I should have, I could have, why didn’t I,… is the moment you find yourself at the beginning of a cycle of self-abuse that is hard to get out of.
Guilt feeds into self-hate or lack of self-love. It feeds into lack of trust and confidence. It is the primary tumor that feeds all the other negative emotions and spreads like a cancer into our body and sense of well-being. Nothing good ever comes of guilt.
Guilt is an excellent weapon used by others to control us. It is used by the religions of the world, politicians, parents, and other leaders. We all use it to get what we want unaware of its contagious nature.
It was created as a toxic bi-product of strong belief systems like the one that has to do with what is right and what is wrong. Guilt likes to hang out with righteousness and justice. It is the cement that holds all feelings of piety in place.
Guilt can change forms. Reversed, it also feeds into blame. Guilty people tend to blame others easily. If you can blame yourself for the wrongs of the world, it is easy to blame others too.
Once you let guilt in, it is hard to get rid of because it pushes all other belief systems. The good news is, that it does push all other belief systems. In fact, one way to look at it would be to notice when you feel guilty and decide what belief systems needs to be released.
Guilt can also be used to diagnose self-hate. When you start beating yourself up about something you did or didn’t do, stop and notice how you dislike yourself. Stay in the pain of that realization. Stay in the denial of the realization. Stay wherever you are, and then consciously choose what to do. This is one way you can make friends with guilt. Use it as an instrument to detect what needs to change.
Caution: Guilt has the ability to create more guilt somewhere else! Please be careful and don’t use it for that purpose.
Questions To Ponder:
1) When do you feel guilty?
2) What does feeling guilty provide?
3) How do you manage your guilt?
If you are being eaten up by guilt you may want to work with a spiritual life coach and learn how to release guilt and outdated belief systems. Contact me for a 30 minute complimentary session to discuss whether spiritual life coaching might help you create a more self-fulfilling and meaningful life.
Guilt feeds into self-hate or lack of self-love. It feeds into lack of trust and confidence. It is the primary tumor that feeds all the other negative emotions and spreads like a cancer into our body and sense of well-being. Nothing good ever comes of guilt.
Guilt is an excellent weapon used by others to control us. It is used by the religions of the world, politicians, parents, and other leaders. We all use it to get what we want unaware of its contagious nature.
It was created as a toxic bi-product of strong belief systems like the one that has to do with what is right and what is wrong. Guilt likes to hang out with righteousness and justice. It is the cement that holds all feelings of piety in place.
Guilt can change forms. Reversed, it also feeds into blame. Guilty people tend to blame others easily. If you can blame yourself for the wrongs of the world, it is easy to blame others too.
Once you let guilt in, it is hard to get rid of because it pushes all other belief systems. The good news is, that it does push all other belief systems. In fact, one way to look at it would be to notice when you feel guilty and decide what belief systems needs to be released.
Guilt can also be used to diagnose self-hate. When you start beating yourself up about something you did or didn’t do, stop and notice how you dislike yourself. Stay in the pain of that realization. Stay in the denial of the realization. Stay wherever you are, and then consciously choose what to do. This is one way you can make friends with guilt. Use it as an instrument to detect what needs to change.
Caution: Guilt has the ability to create more guilt somewhere else! Please be careful and don’t use it for that purpose.
Questions To Ponder:
1) When do you feel guilty?
2) What does feeling guilty provide?
3) How do you manage your guilt?
If you are being eaten up by guilt you may want to work with a spiritual life coach and learn how to release guilt and outdated belief systems. Contact me for a 30 minute complimentary session to discuss whether spiritual life coaching might help you create a more self-fulfilling and meaningful life.
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